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UNSAID
As we sit at a little table
in a mid-priced restaurant
with noise and diners all around
we hardly say a thing
Perhaps others glance at us
misreading the sight they behold
thinking how sad it must be
to become, like us, quiet and old
But we converse in ways unheard
shrugged shoulder, eyes rolled to above
seldom needing any word
to convey our thoughts and love
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
An experiment in writing a poem which morphs from free verse to rhyming................stan
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Wed, 2011-08-17 12:21
hi Ian
I guess this is a type of free verse but I had 1st stanza with no rhyme, 2nd with two lines rhyme and third with abab rhyme........guess another stanza would require aabb rhyme lol. I know what you mean by different languages between generations. Most of the folks now in early adulthood assume Everybody knows tecnical and computer terms ...Guess we could call this style poetry morphing form lol....................stan
author commentRoscoe Lane
Wed, 2011-08-17 15:41
Stan,
Stan your poem tells how millions of people our age live together, after years of living side by side emotionally as well as physically. Who needs words, just knowing someone special is there is enough. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
scribbler
Wed, 2011-08-17 18:37
hi Roscoe
Silence can indeed be golden . thanks for stopping by.............stan
author commentloved
Thu, 2011-08-18 09:30
Creativity at its best
Creativity at its best
More will write
Freer verse
We all came with our own minds
Why be only followers?
But Neopoet is going slow
As it does grow
Older poets are read
Yes
But none know.
loved
scribbler
Thu, 2011-08-18 11:54
hi loved
Yes, things are going a bit slow here. I expect it might be schools starting back + summer doldrums. Thanks for dropping by..........stan
author commentloved
Fri, 2011-08-19 07:55
thanks stan
u haven't dropped a shell
in my poetic well
loved
scribbler
Thu, 2011-08-18 17:31
Hi Rose
You know when WE were young we didn't possess it either lol. One of the very few advantages of becoming decrepit...............stan
author commentKailashana2
Fri, 2011-08-19 14:38
Perhaps you and your wife
Perhaps you and your wife keep silent because you keep forgetting what you want to say. And the eye roll just means you need eye drops and the shrugged shoulders is arthritis.
I like this poem.
~A
p.s. ;-) :-) :;-0
scribbler
Fri, 2011-08-19 17:26
hi Anna
There are times when my silence is a result of not being able to get a word in edgewise lol. Thanks for visiting.............stan
author commentKailashana2
Fri, 2011-08-19 18:28
Lol.
Lol.
Better than putting your foot in your mouth. ;-)
~A
scribbler
Fri, 2011-08-19 20:01
hey!
A nice clean foot covered with ketchup has become a staple in my diet...................stan
author commentEduardo Cruz
Fri, 2011-08-19 20:13
Hey Stan,
this is it exactly, how it becomes when you know each other so well. It is a secret language.
I have this with my lady, when we going to some function or another we speak to everyone else, But we just raise and eyebrow or widen our eyes or some simple jesture that we only understand. You have nailed it with this one.
Eddie.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
scribbler
Fri, 2011-08-19 22:25
hi Eddie
It is exactly such nonverbal communication which is hard to duplicate in writing. Thank you for coming by..........stan
author comment