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Understanding

Forsaken moments ravage sour memories
forced to form a never-ending yearning
that excruciating agony has carefully sewn
to keep me bound to his own tiny headstone

There's understanding Chronos does not heal
but forms a scar that, with time, simply fades
to every other's vision but my own
and sometimes I have fancy that he's been betrayed

The All Great Healer is Himself a hypocrite
It does not, I have found, truly get easier
but simply wrapped and bandaged 'til familiar -
therefore made to seem soothed, benevolent -
thus becomes bearable, less bitter

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

well crafted but still raw with emotion, no poet can strive for more.

I guess you know the line-
and sometimes I have fancy that he's been betrayed
is a bit clunky.
its a big change, you might have to look for one like
and I think he may well have been betrayed

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

i do see that line is chunky
- anything shorter i have tried doesn't say it...

i decided to leave the length... it does come out as triplets...
and it makes the reader (or at least it makes me :) ) pause at the end of that stanza
- hopefully alowing the digesting of the previous before the next point....
- lol - do let me know if you disgree xx
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Yes... as Jess says, it is a brilliant piece!

There's understanding Chronos does not heal
but forms a scar that, with time, simply fades
to every other's vision but my own
and sometimes I have fancy that he's been betrayed

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

so glad you liked this
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Try taking (and) away at the beginning of lines 8 and 12, other than that i agree it brilliant. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

i like your suggestion re line 12 - done that
but if i remove 'and' from line 8 i feel it upsets the rhythm -
thanks so much for the great comments and suggestion

love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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