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TRADING PLACES

Submitted by t. reflexion on Tue, 2011-08-09 13:36

A trader needed some money badly
To buy goods to sell at Christmas
He went to his friend and a brother
Who works within the court house
He got some money and a quick sales
But fire smoked out his painful gains

Poor trader couldn’t pay back the loan
And did not know how to face his friend
He stayed away since he was troubled
Till his lawyer friend caught up with him
He pleaded with him to buy some time
His angry friend threatened to go to court

I helped with your selling plans, he said
So you must also help me do the same
The court, you know is my market place
Where I retail my articles and wares
You are now a commodity, good for sales
And very viable for my business and trade

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Wed, 2011-08-31 12:16

weirdelf's picture
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At least you have learned to spell friend.

You have lost your gift, in my opinion. I blame christianity, which is as commonplace as can be.

Regain your numinous tribal ways, my friend.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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