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Theatrical Thesis

Theatrical Thesis…

Two lines into a poet’s song can say more
to me than a thousand preachers preaching
like the speed of light is invariably faster
than sound from a thousand tyres screeching.

So please switch on the light at speed,
as I have only one minute in mind.
As all of you know the worlds great need,
is for people to be more tolerant and kind.

The minute I speak of can only be mine,
though time can’t ever be mine alone.
A minute is only relative to what we define,
a clear conscience, a true feeling, a stone.

I never know where these trains of thought go,
weird, they pop into my head and take root.
I was quietly trying to relax for just a mo,
when all of a sudden I switch on and reboot.

Words fall onto the page and slowly emit,
not all of it makes sense I’ll admit.
But I’m just a writer who cares for our planet,
and the sometimes senseless creatures upon it.

Why have I just written words
in such a sequence
because after all they could,
be typed another way ?…

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Tyres screetching to a halt, making sure the money is in the vault....
Editing stage: 

Comments

any particular criticisms on this one,[it is early in the morning for me]. but I will say; that I have to agree that you never know where thoughts like this will take you. Is it fate? Is it Karma? If you think about it, and then change what you wrote, does it mean that this is the way it was meant to be after all? Hmmmmm.... ~ Nice work, the meter is pretty good, [a little work], but I like it, I'll watch this one, and see if it gets reworked. ~ Gee

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the ideas are good but the verse is clunky.
Too much so for specific suggestions.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

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