This is good but i feel it could be much better, try making it a little smoother ie ( today the sunset seduces, clear skys captivate.) this i believe flows more easily. Still i really like this poem Regards Roscoe...

... unless it truly strikes me. I find I can offer more constructive ideas concerning a poem's structure, but this made me feel disappointed. Not in the poem, but in the reality that what the poem desires is a "perfect world" and therefore something that will never be attained.
wesley

a true taunting reality and expressed so well in this write, Miss reading you Paul and know I still care.

Blessings friend
Mona

The most potent idea in this poem is the idea of the taunting reality, to which none of us can ever achieve, no matter how rich we get.

It's a valuable idea and a valuable poem. Utopian ideas are inspirational and lead to social change. Dystopian thinking is the worst form of intellectual, moral and values laziness.

The subject of your poem is valuable, however I think the poem can be tightened up.

The last two lines, imo, are unnecessary & detract from the poem's ultimate conclusion, which the reader must make.

~A

I like the sound of that! As if we had control over what is given. But yes, it postulates the question of "what could be" - if only...Structurally, I tend to agree with Anna, the last two lines could be dropped. I think this piece is drawn from your strong philosphical nature. Hence I put this excerpt in for you!

"All the scientists hope to do is describe the universe mathematically, predict it, and maybe control it. The philosopher, by contrast, seems unbecomingly ambitious. He wants to understand the universe; to get behind phenomena and operation and solve the logically prior riddles of being, knowledge, and value. But the artist, and in particular the novelist, in his essence wishes neither to explain nor to control nor to understand the universe. He wants to make one of his own, and may even aspire to make it more orderly, meaningful, beautiful, and interesting than the one God turned out. What's more, in the opinion of many readers of literature, he sometimes succeeds." John Barth (1930 - )

Well phrased I should think and it does paint ME in a rather arrogant light. I think, though, that I shall continue with my epic unabated even if I can't improve on reality. An excellent perspective between scientist, philosopher and that most cocky of all creatures... the writer. wesley