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The Sun Bled Crimson Red--updated
THE SUN BLED CRIMSON RED
The sun bled crimson red
into the western seas
and fire blazed in the darkening skies
piercing wakes of fading sunlight
as the moon yellow pale broke the night.
icy Nordic waves rode on wings of fury
and the trees like skeletons danced
on gallows in the wind.
the fields lay fallow
the earth barren and still
and the noise of all living things
died in thuds of silence.
Last few words:
Life is constant movement, change and flux. Too bad I have motion sickness.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2011-11-26 19:42
I like the...
words you used and the way you used them! A frightening look at the end of the world. But...
the last line just came out of nowhere, and didn't seem to relate to the rest of the poem. I wish you would expound a little more on that aspect, let the reader in on why you say that. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Geremia
Sat, 2011-11-26 20:19
I will make a change . I
I will make a change\ I appreciate your critique--very helpful to me.
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2011-11-27 10:58
Glad to help...
I'm looking forward to your changes. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geremia
Sun, 2011-11-27 11:20
last 4 lines changed. Tell me
last 4 lines changed. Tell me what you think.
Joe
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-11-29 06:06
Great revisions, a much improved poem.
Great revisions, a much improved poem.
cheers,
Jess
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Geremia
Tue, 2011-11-29 06:43
Good. It will go into my
Good. It will go into my second book. :)
Joe
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