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Straight to the Heart

That is the way, at least, that's what they say.
You know, those folks, with wisdom words so wrong,
while fucking up the words to every song,
because they just can't leave well enough alone.

trochaic attempt;

That’s the way, at least, that is what is said.
Knowing folks, with wisdom words so wrong,
fucking up the lines in every single song,
all because they can’t leave any thing untouched.

I've already gone over this with Jess, and I failed
miserably at my conversion attempt, but feel I've
definitely learned something about meter.

thanks again for the push Jess, I'm enjoying this!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

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cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

That is/ the way/, at least,/ that's what /they say./

You know,/ those folks,/ with wis/dom words/ so wrong/

they fuck /up the words /to ev/ery song,

just can't /leave well /enough/ alone.

 

Not too bloody bad eh!

2 lines of iambic pentameter

2 of iambic tetrameter

Just line 3 would be perfect, metrically, without up.

 

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Now let's see those trochees trotting onwards

First one foot and then another strongly

We will soon be seeing coming from you

meter like a charging bull on acid!

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

now you know you are better than you give yourself credit for. Why fuss about pent? You know it means 5. Iambic pentameter, 5 iambs per line.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

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