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Smoky Mountain Apple Trotters (Part 2 of weirdelf's 3 part challenge)

To make apple cider, you boil it,
then drink up, before time can spoil it.
Drink too many cups,
and you're bound to throw up
as you quickly dash off to the toilet!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I think this is a very weak poem. Critique welcome
Editing stage: 

Comments

I claim victory with "Picket Fences" unless you surpass it in Neopoetime. Which is tricky, minutes can feel like hours and months like minutes. Be patient. Then do it

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

double post

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

I bow to the mighty prowess of weirdelf. BUT,,,,, i shall return. I will fix this poem, then fight for glory in Part 3! I realized this sucked from the begining! :)

author comment

you are not telling the truth here.
Behind this limerick is something ugly and hurtful.
Write the whole poem
or tell me I'm wrong.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

you are not telling the truth here.
Behind this limerick is something ugly and hurtful.
Write the whole poem
or tell me I'm wrong.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

post

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

I linda liked it and thought it was very clever. But if you aren't happy with your results then you must rework...

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

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