Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

She dyed he died...

She dyed he died…

The dyed red haired girls green gloves
came up under her nose, stifling a yawn
as she stared at the sexy designer dressed
girl in the chequered skirt with stunning
eyes all dreamy.

Perhaps she subdued more than a yawn
while her fingers flicked about her nose
giving her face the impression of a kitten
in comfort surrounded by empty saucers,
whiskers all creamy.

Have I just stumbled upon a look so envious
as to be reckless giving away inner thoughts
of a starry eyed young woman that yearns to
be free of all her past life that she believes
has held her at the rear of others.

But then I turn and see the salacious look
from a male with thoughts of a much more base
nature written on his face that frightens the girl
so now she clutches her handbag she feels has
no use now even though it’s contents held a
gift for her fellow strummers.

He on the other hand felt no fear quite proud
of his cigarette and coffee marked moustache
that he’d grown through years of evasion from
lawmen he felt incompetent and strangled
by regulation.

I was really happy not to be a lawman or
official held back by regulation, and I was
not the shrinking violet type preferring not to
get involved in other peoples problems, especially
when I’d just thought best his conclusion…

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
If only the just were allowed...
Editing stage: 


Interesting title and story. I can tell this is some restrictive type of form. Being such it needs better punctuation to seperate the different thoughts within since such can't be done using structure in my opinion at least. L-21 especially calls out for a comma after fear. Also: L-1 I think you mean Girl's not Grls? and L-15 you could consider replacing at with to. Just a few ideas you are free to use or not at your own descretion..........stan PS please comment on at least 1 undiscovered poem per day

Thank you, i wrote this or the best part of it while travelling on the underground in London, known as the tube. I find i have my some good ideas on this mode of transport and thought that i could write it to the beat of the train, perhaps i should have explained in our few last words area. But point taken and i will address this when i have more time, again thank you for commenting and reading . Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.