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Shallow Depths of Me

There is this rage that dwells inside of me,
clawing me, stabbing me, threatening to
rip me open and make me bleed my red anger out.
I try so hard to fight it and I work so hard to
deny it, but too often it rears its monster
head and makes my tongue lash out.
I strike with poisonous words and cut with
razor lips, spilling tears and breaking trust.
I didn’t realize being nice would be this tough.

There is a river deep inside me, salty & clear,
gently carving out my heart & soul.
Sometimes it’s perfect and I forget it’s there,
but then the floods come and the river over flows.
No more hiding inside of me, it demands to be unleashed,
it streams from misfit eyes and winds down the imperfect terrain of my cheeks.
I try to stop it, I try to dam it up, but it defies my fateful pride
and continues to drag me in its currents and put me in a more humble place
—one not so high up.

There is a darkness that surrounds me,
swirling and twisting all around me.
I thought I’d left it back in youth, with my
Barbie dolls, Pokémon cards and temper tantrums,
but it seems to have found its way back to me
and my “artistic” angst. I’ve tried to beat it off
and tear it from my skin…but I’ve recently realized
this darkness is spinning out of me from deep within.
I am a tornado, a torrential rain, a deadly hurricane.
I destroy my own happiness and create my own fears.
I’m terrified of escaping this box of pain and resentment
that I have been building for too many years.
I thought if I built it out of bricks and locked myself in
that life couldn’t huff and puff and force me to live again.

(And still, despite all of this…)

There is a light that shines right out of me,
from me eyes, my lips, my heart, my soul.
I reach to wrap its warmth around the world
and heal the dying hope.
The mirror distorts the images
and the human mind tells the heart logical lies,
hypocrisy runs rampant and there are too many people
who think they can’t survive.
I see the pain, I see the hate,
I see the wrongs and all the fateful mistakes.
But I see the love, I see the care.
I see the chances for this world,
And so the human imperfections simply don’t compare.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
This poem is actually a bit of a spin off of my previous, raw, free-verse poem that I posted in August. Again, I'm trying to experiment with different types of poems. I would appreciate any constructive criticism. Cheers to all. ~ G.S.
Editing stage: 


that this is personal, but I feel that there are too many I's in here, also too many connecting words, [and] in particular. I took the liberty of writing out the first stanza, as I would have written it, if you don't mind, to show you what I mean.

There is this rage that dwells inside of me.
Clawing, stabbing, threatening to to rip me open,
making me bleed my red anger out.
I try so hard to fight it, work so hard to deny it,
but too often, it rears it's monster-head and
makes my tongue lash out.
I strike with poisonous words,
cut with razor-lips, spilling tears and breaking trust.

I didn't know that being nice would be this hard.

Your rhythm and pacing is smoother this way.
I like your words, they are very descriptive and it makes this catharsis a plea for help.
I could rewrite the whole thing, but I have always felt that figuring it out for yourself,
makes you better faster. Keep writing and trying new things, you only learn by doing. ~ Geezer

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Thank you for your suggestions for the poem, I really appreciate it!

I'm wondering what you think of the second stanza, particularly the end? I felt like my pacing/rhythm got a bit messed up by the river, dragging me, bit. I didn't change it though because I liked the detail and I wasn't sure if it would affect others as much as it did me.

Any thoughts on that bit would be greatly appreciated!


Make your life an act of love.

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