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RUMBLE TESTIMONY

A tapper had a friend
Himself a tapper too
Into the swamps of Ntong Edong
They went on a tapping spree
Up and down the raffia palms
They called out kukuruku
Kukuruku was the reply
To keep a close contact
One fell from the height
To the muddy wild plant floor
He called out Kukuruku
With speed
His friend came down
To the rescue brief
As communicated
On Sunday testimony
He needed an interpreter
For the guest with foreign tongues
But he volunteered to convey
In English he couldn’t speak
What you hear is rumble jumble
As he licked his lips along

Up up
To the teteri-mountain
Edong asin nkwai
Teteri-mountain Abasi Ibom enyong
Only Akukuruku…

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

The title word, rumble attempts to suggest incomprehensibility of the original testimony. The man made no sense to the audience, the background story came after inquiry. Apart from the word kukruku, which is a nick name the used, maybe imitating a bird's cry, the other words are words used out of context. Abasi Ibom is Great Mighty, Edong is knee, asin nkwai seems to imitate the sound of a cracking knee. I don't know how to how to write the bit that is the core testimony without saying something completely different.

I get what you say and I have attempted some in my language, thank you again and again. My delayed reply is a reflection of the challenges I am facing now, it is not an oversight. I managed to post some pieces without enough time to make comments. Best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

Thank you for the hints, I will take a tour of the sites. There is a dearth of good books on poetry here. In the schools, the choice of poetry as major is very small compared to those who go for prose and drama. This affects the choice of good poetry books made available by market forces.

I may never see "The Ode Less Travelled" by Stephen Fry on our book shelves. it seems to be an interesting book but it is also out of my reach now.

Thank you very much for your support and best wishes.

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment
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