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A Rhyming Sestina

Please look to the description of this form below before reading it.

The strength of ideology as known
lay in the fact all men shall seek a god.
A doctrine merely amplifies the tone
and makes a cult of anything so odd
as that which queerly contradicts one’s own,
for all else is to one’s belief a fraud.

But ere we speak of man’s inherent fraud
or all he trusts his ancestors have known,
let’s first address perspectives we can’t own
and ask what is the fervent creed of God.
The query may, of course, seem rather odd,
but after all, His doctrine is the tone.

Imagine first this “God” with lonesome tone
(and trusting He Himself shan’t answer fraud)
might pose a quandary autochthonic odd,
for with no point of reference it’s not known
by Providence the truth of what is God.
God has no mirror He may call His own.

What is it that Almighty God can own?
If He is every color, every tone,
then He knows not what is and isn’t God,
for anything beyond Him must be fraud.
I am not you and this I’ve always known,
a “Point of Reference” seeming never odd.

But such an attribution would be odd
for Him to note a soul that’s not His own.
Omnipotence means nothing is not known.
His color shows no contrast in its tone.
All things are God and all that’s not is fraud.
God is and God sees naught that isn’t God.

But back to man’s belief in what is God.
That we know naught of Him should not seem odd
nor should we note another’s faith as fraud.
For though mankind He seeming claims to own,
He knows not Self, His tinge is all one tone.
This then guides man’s belief of all that’s known.

I feel I’ve known there is but one true God.
He’s set the tone that makes me rather odd,
but though I own Him not, He seems no fraud.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
A sestina (Occitan: [sesˈtinɔ]; Catalan: sextina, IPA: [sə(k)sˈtinə] or [se(k)sˈtina]; also known as sestine, sextine or sextain) is a structured 39 line poem consisting of six six-line stanzas followed by an envoi of three lines. The words that end each line of the first stanzas are used as line endings in each of the following stanzas, rotated in a set pattern. It is a 12th century Provençal form still popular today.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Jess you have put all your techncal skils to create an outstanding neo-classical write.

Joe

I wouldn't have noticed, but I don't want him thinking I'm swiping his kudos.
Thanks for reading it. All my small poems are experiments in form designed to train my brain. This is my first sestina (which traditionally is not rhymed) and it was a bitch. Seriously "trick" poetry.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Well, you have certainly written something extraordinary, And it is "Jessian" from what I have been reading,But it is you, and you did an incredible job.

Now, try the terza rima [Dante] :)

Joe

which I think is posted here. It was one of those weird things that wrote itself. I started, as always, by simply exploring a new form and before I knew what was happening I had written an autobiography. Few of these experiments are what I consider to be my "best" work as each one is the first attempt at a form I'm unfamiliar with. I fear to write a second one in any poetic type because then I will be without that delightful excuse for why the poem is not masterful. Fortunately, you have challenged me with a terza rima (a variation of the ottava), so that excuse will still carry me over. Since you gave me what I asked for (the story) I will hand you a personally crafted terza rima post haste.

http://new.neopoet.com/node/ottava-rima-self-0
If I haven't screwed it up, this should be a link to my life. Peruse at your own risk.
And if I haven't mentioned it yet, thank you for the very pleasant and enlightening conversations we've been sharing. I have an abundance of respect for your writing abilities and I'm learning each day that you also are a delightful individual. Hope that isn't too sappy.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

ok. Terza rima it is. Diffcult in English.This may help:[English follows]

The Divine Comedy
Inferno: Canto I
Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
mi ritrovai per una selva oscura,
ché la diritta via era smarrita.
Ahi quanto a dir qual era è cosa dura
esta selva selvaggia e aspra e forte
che nel pensier rinova la paura!

Tant’ è amara che poco è più morte;
ma per trattar del ben ch’i’ vi trovai,
dirò de l’altre cose ch’i’ v’ho scorte.

Io non so ben ridir com’ i’ v’intrai,10
tant’ era pien di sonno a quel punto
che la verace via abbandonai.

Ma poi ch’i’ fui al piè d’un colle giunto,
là dove terminava quella valle
che m’avea di paura il cor compunto,

Midway upon the journey of our life
I found myself within a forest dark,
For the straightforward pathway had been lost.
Ah me! how hard a thing it is to say
What was this forest savage, rough, and stern,
Which in the very thought renews the fear.

So bitter is it, death is little more;
But of the good to treat, which there I found,
Speak will I of the other things I saw there.

I cannot well repeat how there I entered,10
So full was I of slumber at the moment
In which I had abandoned the true way.

But after I had reached a mountain's foot,
At that point where the valley terminated,
Which had with consternation pierced my heart,

the capacity to read
beyond 15 lines
great it must be

loved

THAT is a very good point, my friend.!

Joe

A great lesson here, and a marvolous job with the subject.
This is something new to me. I love this place, because I learn everyday I'm here.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Eddie, thanks for looking in on it. I don't suggest this form. It is a STINKER. And I mean by that... it is difficult to write a number of stanza when you only get to use the same six words at the ends of the sentences. But I've done it, I can say I did one and move on. Whew.

Joe, several years ago I read "The Divine Comedy" and was fortunate enough to have a comprehensive translation with lots and lots and lots (did I mention "lots") of footnotes. A rather detailed history of Renaissance Italy. It also troubled me greatly because I found the language some of the most beautiful I had read in poetry, but knew that I was not sharing in what the man wrote. I do not read, write or speak Italian, so I will be forever unable to enjoy to its fullest what you posted above. Tragic, but if I'm going to study any language it will be English which I don't understand either.
Reading Dante was one of the more difficult things I have done as I refused to simply read and not understand. It was worth it, though by the time I was deep into the last part the concepts were starting to leave me behind.
A teacher of literature, huh? How fun.
I am beginning YOUR terza rima today.
Thank you for the Italian. My copy had none of it.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

five admirers
three have left the site
and now

i am left with just two

you and weirdy

should you be the only best reader
and weirdy the best critique
don't you think
I'm wasting my time here
just tell me please thanks...

should i also leave...?????

old ISTAN MISTAKENLY
NOW Loved still

loved

Why on Earth would you leave? If you do I will follow.
istan

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

The gems were too few and far between.

It's no reason to leave the site tho. If you get some value from it, if you feel you learn anything at all, then your home is here.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

And here I thought Joe said "Jesus" (and not Jess). Unfortunately, I have no patience to *try* to do these brainy things unless they come knocking on my door of their own accord.

As far as translations are concerned, some nuances are just not translatable, I think. Why? Because the language is of the soul. That's what makes interpretations even more difficult....and varied.

I salute you Wes!

~A

T here cna be no translation, only interpretation. And that poetry of interpretaion must fit the language it is written in.

Joe

I disagree. I can say love in a few languages.....accurately & effectively translating it......

However, what love means to me (how I interpret it) as an Americanized woman of a certain age, a poet in 2011 BCE and might be altogether different than what love means to a male from another country and another time with or without being *versed* as a poet. Poetry does seem to be able to blend the essences and nuances together. Love mostly promotes feelings and thoughts about feelings, be they good, ecstatic or jealous,etc.

Water, on the other hand means something different to one in need of a bath, one who thirsts in the desert and one who is drowning.

Come to think of it, maybe we are saying the same thing. ;-)

~A

I can make love in several languages.And the words may mean the same thing but are expressed differently. We are talking here about apiece of literature--not one word.

Joe

I recently started working on my first sestina .. As you say it can be a bitch

Will comment on this one when i get home I have one or two ideas I will run past you

Regards Jayne-Chloe x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I try to write a different form every couple of weeks to teach my brain to think poetically. The sestina turned it into oatmeal. However, I have a worse. I am writing a paradelle. As the gentleman who told me about the form said... it makes the sestina look like free verse. The form was a joke by poet laureate Bill Collins, but somehow took on a life of its own and people are actually writing them. I don't suggest it for normal humans, but I have to do one just to say I did. Maybe in a decade or so. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment
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