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Requiem For A Dying City

In these human ruins
marking time with helpless anger
makes the differences between
this world and the next
seem almost bearable.

Where the clime marks bloody rust
on blasted shoreline factories
deep-anchored in the broken flesh
of slowly rotting city
in its final death-throes,

the hollow houses all collapse
in slow-festering abandon
few could stop and fewer want to,
where eyeless walls stare vacant
at the empty streets,

and roofs fall slow
beneath indifference's
growing weight
to add more broken ruin
to the pools of aging dark
between remaining streetlights
failing on forgotten corners.

Doors are locked
against the predatory stare
from hopeless eyes
of passing urban refugees
desperate for another meal
or another fix,

and in the growing cancer
spreading outward from
abandonment and pain
we pass but do not listen,
pass by but do not see
that in the shameful end
this is where we really dwell,
at this lowest point of all.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Oh man I wish we had audio on the site now.
I just read this aloud in a subdued but growling voice and knocked myself out.
Perhaps the highest compliment I can give-

I wish I had written this.

Anyone who visits this poem, its a voice poem in addition to it's potent content. Shut off any background noise you can and read it aloud.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Praise indeed.
It was never in my mind that this was to be spoken, when I wrote it.
But I've said it now, rather than just read it, and you're completely right.
Funny, how these things reveal themselves, isn't it?
Thank you much, my friend, your enjoyment of it makes the writing of it worthwhile.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

gave me chills ... quite the read Jim, damn good in fact.
I do have a couple of suggestions, remove "all" from the
first line in stanza three, as in my opinion it's unneeded,
I tend to use the word a lot and in my own work I've been
looking for places to remove it. In the same stanza, the last
line, "at the empty streets", perhaps, "on empty streets"

great poem Jim

Chills are what I was after when I wrote it.
Thanks for the suggestions too, thy're much appreciated.
Glad that you enjoyed this one so much!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

I thought about your suggestions.
I think "all" is neccessary, or at least a single syllable word, right there, because otherwise the line catches just a touch, and becomes choppy, to me. I think "all" is a bit passive, but I can't think of another word to use in its stead.

"at" versus "on"...I tried it, but using the word "on" makes the abandoned houses inanimate objects, instead of living things, which was the intent, to show them as alive but dying.

Thanks again!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

A week late and a mind short, lol, I apologise, I can only plead too much to do and too little time do do it in!
Thank you for your enjoyment, it means much to me.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Amazing amazing send shivers down my spine the moment i read the heading to the very last line. Well played sir well played.

When my poetry has that effect, I know I got it right!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
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