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Reality Raised...

Reality Raised

Dreams are expectations thrown away with christmas paper,
expectations are hopes that we are given by the life shaper
The life shaper is never to be seen in his working gowns,
shapers get seduced by money to seduce the working clowns.
The man in the pink tee shirt talks a lot, maybe he is nervous,
a woman in a hat starts to scream, unhappy with the service.
all the fine bags, coats, can’t help themselves they’re dripping,
poor people on the march to work, puddles and potholes skipping.

A young lad with long hair stays very quiet,
listening intently to the voice, he doesn’t buy it.
She paints her face on extremely long legs,
an old guy in the tunnel for our money he begs.
So what is the story that brought us here,
can they use their words to make us austere.
Could they be good words to take our eye,
or are we selected to live their sublet lie.

Where is it learned the guise of power,
are they taught this perfectly by the hour.
Why can’t we learn this simple trade,
simple it must be, it’s all man made.
They’re all living in the untaxed cart,
I suppose it’s really quite an unenviable art.
To live a life so incredibly high,
while all round this earth the hungry die.

This city alone has where the wealthy fly free,
what then for the likes of you and me,
We joined the train for the travelling show,
are we all dressed up with nowhere to go.
If we break their rules our punishment's severe,
but the law's an ass and it’s never quite clear.
Whether judges deal the same to you and I,
as when they have the wealthy in court to try.

.Let’s put our effort’s to use and end this wanting ?
no speeches or promises so unrealistically daunting.
Lets carry the truth together to top a people’s pole,
bring a world together without profit being the goal.
We see great Whales with more compassion to Earth,
than president, prime minister, or wasters of royal birth .
Remember that this great planet’s not ours alone,
we are but keepers, the child will reap what’s sewn.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
People have got to start listening to their instincts....
Editing stage: 

Comments

With a very clever crafting of segue, especially in the first stanza. The meaning is significant and worhwhile.

I have a few quibbles with stretching for rhyme and punctuation.

an old guy in the tunnel for our cash he begs. [poetic grammatic inversion, quite out of place in context.]
If we break their rules our punishments severe, [punishment's]
but the laws an ass and it’s never quite clear. [law's]
as when they have the wealthy in court to try. [again a grammatic inversion]

The ending is weak, a copout. We can't help the way we were raised but we can choose what we think now. You had the opportunity here to say something far more significant.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you Jess, as always your comment's are constructive. I have change a few things and given the poem what i consider a better ending. I hope you like it, but i know what you have to say will always helpfull.
Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

congrats!

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you Rosi, good of you to comment. And it's good to have you back among us, stay well freind. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
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