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Re-Write of Naked, Writing with Emotion Workshop

Softly, languid eyes worship you.
Each breath taken is in synchronicity,
two halves of the same reality

We traverse this hostile world,
rapped in the safety of our devotion.
The out side cannot get in.

The essence of my existence
the crux of it all.
Your are woven into every fibre.

Editing stage: 

Comments

Nice work in your re submission!

The essence of my existence
the crux of it all.
Your are woven into every fibre.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

thank you so much.

love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Stanza #1: a nice way to express the emotion of Love through mingling of breaths which also indicates a kiss

Stanza #2: are you trying to say that no material elements will disturb the harmony? if so you need to take a re-look and re-work on this

Stanza #3: nicely expresses union of heart n soul...

in my opinion if you tweak up stanza # 2 it will make this fine poem finer...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks, I will take a look

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Thank you

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment
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