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Raindrops

Droplets of rain dancing on a lake
ripples caressing the shores,
Mother nursing her sleeping beauty
weaning her with sacred love

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thank you Lonnie for the read and your comment which is always welcome..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

thank you for the read and your comment...i am happy to note that you have connected so well with story which unfolds with those four lines wherein i have perceived the raindrops as drops of elixir of life and love which Mother (Nature) feeds her baby (lake) and the ripples as expression of gratitude and warmth the child feels for the Mother...

I would love to read the story you said you are in the process of writing on raindrops or some similar theme..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

thank you very much for the read and for your comment...much appreciated...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I come back to this one a couple of times and it is only for the first word that is not sticking to me for some odd reason or other. Droplets of rain

Droplets - I need to go check that out more. I know you have some deep metaphors going on in here as in also:

Mother nursing and weaning her ( her is the river correct?) A nice trickle down the river with it. I will be back to read once again.

Hugs to you
Mona

I am back that soon. Droplet is little drop and there is also driplets.. hmmm thinking still

thank you for the time to read this one...good to know it engaged you to read it a couple of time...please read my response to the comment of dear Ian and you will know the theme as well as how i perceived those raindrops falling on a serene lake...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I did read your implications and know that is what I thought but I am still stuck on droplets..I guess I will just have to get over it. lol consider it done and very nice short write you have here Raj. Nice to be able to read you once again.

Blessings
Hugs
Mona

Thank you once again Mona... i don't know why you are getting stuck at "droplets" it's a very common word....

much love and hugz..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Not to worry about it just saying.. I guess I do not hear it much that is all. Poem is nice honey smile now:) Mona

I would not have seen your message to me here if I did not visit back to Raj's poetic write. No I did not say neither droplets is a hardish word as I know what it means also. I just read it in a different light at the time but all is well with droplets like the dew causes the droplets on a rose.

Raj dancing with this one. Smiles

Mona

keep dancing on your feet like raindrops
drenching your soul in joy
swing to the beats of the song
of a serenading heart

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

You have said alot with so few lines. Very deep yet simple. Loved the imagery.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Thank you Cat for your appreciative comment...these days i am trying to shorten the length and express more...from the comments it is good to know that i am succeeding in achieving these objectives...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

thank you for the read and your comment...much appreciated...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

i haven't read any other comments
i want to feel what i get here, and it may not be what you meant... sorry if that is the case :)
awesome raj
i absolutely love the first line
- the imagery of droplets of rain falling on the lake... then the comparison with the human child being weaned...
much food for thought in this small write...
well done
love jujdy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

thank you for the read and your comment...i don't know what you meant by "i want to feel what i get here, and it may not be what you meant... sorry if that is the case :)" but i can tell you for sure that you connected spot on with the theme and the comparison ....nice to know you liked it...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Are you okay?

Thinking of you!
always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

thank you for inquiring about me and for your concerns...i am fine..just a bit extra busy at work...yet i do drop in regularly at Neopoet and read the writes of others and coment on them even though i have not been posting anything in recent times...

thank you once again for expressing your concerns ..it shows that Neopoet is a community where members care for each other...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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