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A money lender went to the station
To complain and to make a case
Against his debtor for many years
After he defaulted on the principal
And the monthly takings he made

So he woke up early in the morning
Laid wait to catch in a hide and seek
He asked an interpreter to go with him
To help him in what he would say
At the counter of a local police post

He explained to the officer in charge
In the best English he could speak
This replayed game of cat and rat
With articulations and gestures
Of when his debtor sighted him

Enye cyclotake
Ami jorang
Enye kpung kpung
Ami bai

The interpreter inferred

He dodged this way, I cornered
And surrounded him that way
He bumped into me
I caught him

So, a case file was opened

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


perhaps the last line could be

So his gut was opened.

This lacks real human impact, in my opinion. Perhaps you could explain the circumstances to me.

Also the stanza
Enye cyclotech
Ami jorang
Enye kpung kpung
Ami bai

could be translated in an after note.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

The follow up stanza is the interpretation of what the man tried to say, except for words like cyclotake and jorang, his corrupted use of English words like having cornered and encircled his target.

A money lender tracked his elusive borrower by going to his house very early in the morning, when he was sighted, the borrower tried to dodge, the lender, in a dramatic way cornered and caught him. The whole drama is what he tried to tell the police at the station.

I hope this will make the piece a little clearer. Thanks and best wishes.


A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

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