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Picket Fences

We all live on the same street
Our houses and lawns are so neat
We go to our jobs
Where they cut off our nobs
Then go home to our wives, so discrete.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments

Nice? limerick. Might consider deleting are in line 2............stan

Sharp and cutting. So much said in so few words. The seemingly "forced" rhyme supports content beautifully .The limeerick quality really works well to underscore the satire. I am so glad to see you finally break through to writing damn good poetry-.

joe

Wasn't there a workshop on this recently?
Geremia thought that the second line is too long. I think the first is too short.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I'm buggered about the scansion of those first two lines though. They sound fine to me. Perhaps because I barely pronounce the very un-stressed syllables, maybe a regional accent thing.

I did run a mini-workshop with the challenge to write a serious limerick, it was excruciatingly difficult. http://new.neopoet.com/node/4727 So if I can slip in some irony I figure I'm ahead.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

at first i had to agree with you about the first two lines, then i read it slowly without MY accent, and I now think it is just fine! :)

Encouraging comment fot Jess. I do agree with your perception ofthepoem.
Joe

i have posted a response to part two of your three part challenge @ http://new.neopoet.com/node/smoky-mountain-apple-trotters-part-2-weirdel...

on my way

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

i am also on chat if you want to comment more in depth.

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