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PEBBLES IN THE SAND
From mire to mud
Man returns
Humanity moves on
A sea of sand in time
Like the grower’s hoe
Pebbles in the sand
A reminiscent search
Smoothly shaped stones
Passed for ornaments
Forms fancied by brood
Congregated to swell
Collectibles in places
Full of sandstone shingles
Historic stones erected
For those who made it
Human kind reflects
Its dazzling personages
Like stars shinning
A twinkle enchantment
Skyline swabbed with luminaries
Like the precious pebbles
Excited and conjured
Men in search of diamonds
Elixir and gold by the banks
Of free flowing steam of life
Rough and smeared with sludge
Till polished to be fêted as legends
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
t. reflexion
Fri, 2011-07-29 06:24
I an T
Thank you, I look forward to your second reading and the comments. This piece has other pieces that will form a collection in due course. Best wishes.
tr
A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light