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Observer-HS Inspired by Dan

Submitted by Eduardo Cruz on Sat, 2011-08-13 21:49

Dusk begins to fall
as the light of day
makes its escape

I hear thunder
rumbling in the distance
I look out my window
and see dark clouds rolling in.

Moving like hell bend smoke
they overtake the clear sky
hail comes crashing down
making way for what is to come
as fear constricts my every thought

A “Hooded Stranger” appears
but there is no face
to recognize
A cape hangs from its shoulders
dancing in the winds from hell
as if it is alive

The summer heat retreats
as it passes by my door
the cold that follows
permeates through the house
I feel it all around
right down to my toes
suddenly, the white of snow

I see the white, yellow and blue
of lighting
strike upon the road
and just like that
the “Hooded Stranger” is no more
but still the cold fear
lingers on saying: This is not a dream,
but a taste of what’s to come.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Last few words:

HS, your write inspired this write. I saw this in your write and wrote it down right away. This is among my fastest writes. Thanks mate.

Editing stage:

Not actively editing

Comments

Eduardo Cruz

Sat, 2011-08-13 22:13

Rosi

I thank you!
I feel the genius should go to Dan. I just wrote what I saw in his write.

Big ox to you,
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Hooded Stranger

Sun, 2011-08-14 09:06

Eddie

Eddie,

Oh man!...what can I say?...I love this one. I re-read it a few times and re-read my one. It is exactly as you have titled it. My lyric was from my perspective and yours as if you were watching that same scene from a window.

I have to say I am quite lost for words...I so wasn't expecting this.

That last line does it for me...the calm before the storm indeed!

A fast write for you too!...I must start charging for inspiration! LOL!

"the “Hood Stranger” is no more" - need a 'ed' in there.

Eddie,

I am blown away by this poem, I thank you kindly.

regards,

ps. the genius is yours my friend.

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Eduardo Cruz

Sun, 2011-08-14 09:56

Dan,

I am so happy you liked it.
I still have a problem with run away fingers.
When I write my reports at work, I go over them like ten times to be sure that I have caught all the little misspellings and words spell check does pick up. lol
Thanks Mate, it was fun when it came to me as I read yours.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2011-08-15 07:10

Hey Eddie...

Nice work! The style was perfect, and I would have thought that it was something that Dan had written, if I didn't see that it was you. One of the reasons that I love Neo. so much is that I often get inspiration from things written by other poets here. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Eduardo Cruz

Mon, 2011-08-15 09:52