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Noisance

That roaring mower's bloody noise
my peace and indolence destroys
so I protest with grace and poise
and hoik a broken brick at it.

a leaf-blower then intrudes most rudely
a job once done with rake as easily
after asking first politely
I kick the fucker's keister

now silence reigns my mood's enabled
I'll write rhymes which will be fabled
if my talent's not mislabeled
and those cunts keep fucking quiet

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
never let it be said I set exercises I won't attempt myself. Strong, weak and double rhymes plus some assonance and consonance. But I piked at triples.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I love the title! Fantastic wording. I got a chuckle out of this piece... damned near peed myself!
You've described my summer annoyance perfectly! each verse builds up to the finale. Love it!

now silence reigns my mood's enabled
to write rhymes which will be fabled
if my talent's not mislabeled
and those cunts keep fucking quiet

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
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while actually trying to write a poem for the rhyme workshop while beleaguered by the sounds of these noxious machines.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I loved it. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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[grins wickedly]

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

strong, weak and double, but no triple rhymes here.
What is this strange word 'polite' you use? I'll have to look it up in a dictionary.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

and prefer Wesley's definition below,
but thanks for the curious tale.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

But you came awfully close!
I like this; the rhyming is good, almost within your own set parameters, except, as you say, for the triples.
I love the subject, and especially the structure, the way you use the last line, taking it out of the rhyme, but using assonance and consonance. it packs a real punch.
Good stuff. This was a good workshop!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

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it's been great working with you all. What's next?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I've been keeping up with most of the workshop
and I must say that you've really done a great job
with this one.

This poem, first stanza, second line isn't grammatically
correct, your peace and indolence destroys, should it not
be "destroyed". I think you gave in to the rhyme, but it is
about the rhyme, and they are good, content good, sometimes
I want to hoik a brick too.

thanks

Richard

the whole poem is present tense so isn't 'destroys' correct?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

it's the way I was reading it, to me it reads like the peace
and indolence is doing the destroying, like it needs an "it"
before destroy, but I do see where it could be read the way
you've obviously meant it, the mower's noise destroying.

sorry mate, my bad.

It's one of those grammatic inversions for rhyme I hate so much, in normal speach it would read-
destroys my peace and indolence

well spotted
mea culpa
mea culpa
mea culpa

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

the rhymes are great since its late i must come back and read again for a better look at all the rhymes I.
Enjoyed the workshop. I feel I must attempt to write here so I'll write a one or posting with the two exercises.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

and thankyou

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

...in my "Dictionary of the Highly Arrogant and Obnoxious" (my favorite) and found only "shmooze". Does that help?
Just kidding.
Ian, your definition is totally cool. I did not know that. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

"Dictionary For Those Who Have Earned The Right To Be Highly Arrogant and Obnoxious", but the definition was the same.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

goes under the bed, hence my comment above.

Mr Sparrow seems have learned some tricks from the elves

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

no wuzzas, as I said before, we're a pretty relaxed bunch around here, despite those fins circling in towards us. [grins]

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Tho' I confess tid make my eyes water somewhat,
well done sir.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

working so far
I think this is another of your genius write. I like all the rhymes. they flow perfectly.

My accounting home work has displaced my ability to sort them all out at this moment. Just glad i can see again without the mental confusion, pain, and actually get some work done.

It amazes me how you manage to make sex flow effortless in you last two poems. Glad you not trying to stew counts. :)

Ps love you Shabazs

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

methinks you are confusing me with the gentleman of joyous rhyme and rollicking write, this is weirdelf and there is no sex, just a genital name used as a profanity.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I am glad to hear though your writing take mr there

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

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