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Next Exercise!!!! (heehee)

We may rue the hew of bitter sword
that is the anger we occasionally allow
to bruise our memory's weft and turn
with crimson stabs of quickened fury

Yet while the willing face of killing rage tears
at the ragged fraying arcs that are our souls
we stand atop the blackest summit of our ire
and scream mindless defiance at the world

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
assonance and consonance, I don't know if I did it or not!
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thanks for the spelling.
I was in trepidation over this one, I didn't think it worked, then I did, then I didn't. I assumed that the assonance and consonance that Jess wanted would have to be in the middle or at least "within" the word instead of at the beginning or end. So, I hope I got it right!
Glad you found it enjoyable.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

this one is about consonance and assonance within a line, not rhymes at the end of the line
http://new.neopoet.com/comment/51392#comment-51392

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

...uh. Hmmm. This clearly is going to be harder than I thought. By the way, it's meaningless as far as the exercise is concerned, but this is a pretty cool poem.
The assonance was obvious in the first line and then I had to open my mouth to figure out what I was hearing.

I think you did it. I think...um...yeah. Uh...killing/willing...is that internal rhyme or assonance or consonance?

I don't know Jess, I may want out. I had a clue the last workshop.
I'm going to go take some drugs and I'll be back with new insights. Maybe even insights on the subject at hand.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Yeah, I had a hard time figuring this out myself!
The consonance in the second verse is killing/willing, although I think I cheated by having the words rhyme!
Glad that you liked it.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

killing/willing is indeed internal rhyme.

I've edited the exercise to give some examples.
http://new.neopoet.com/comment/51392#comment-51392

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

but it's a workshop, honey, we aim to learn, poetry can be an accidental side-effect.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

If I <sob> want to spell it with <whine> a 'c' then <sob> I'll spell it <sob> with a 'c' <whine> it's MY <sob> POEM!<sob><sob>

LMAO

Changed it!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
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