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Music (by eddy styx)

Music

The beating of my heart
goose steps to thoughts
of last night
when the moon
was dark and new
my blood quickens
pulse throbbing
to the tune of
the lyrics I carved
on your pliant skin
starting below
your almost perfect breasts
my stiletto strokes
were accompanied
by your piercing screams
the composition
of your primal fear
and my lust
created the music
of the night

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

So glad you enjoyed!

always,eddy (& Cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

the crescendo, the beat, the rhythm so beautifully expressed about a love song...

raj (sublime_ocean)

A love song of terror! LOL!

always, eddy (& Cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

"The beating of my heart

goose steps to thoughts

of last night"

Loved this introduction.
Almost feel it should stand alone to let it sink in.

Then I would cut out WHEN.

my pulse quickens
my blood throbs
to the tune of

do you need STARTING JUST?
and why not perfect breasts, its disappointing for us to read almost ( :) )
whether they are or not.
(Mine are different sizes damn them)

For composition which is a little static in feeling for me,
I think something like the epitome or consonance ?

Perhaps CREATED the music of the night?

Hope it says something, I had a go anyway from my point
of view as this is quite a strong image. Ann, goose stepping.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

For reading and making suggistions which I utilized some of :)

always eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment
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