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MOUNTAINS' BLINK
They say these bones are ancient
which stand sheer, cleft and gray
remnants of forgotten Everests
now near gone, weathered away.
What did they look like way back then?
Did snow cap them throughout the year,
crests far above the tree line when
Luna orbited so very near?
Among those crags what fliers soared
and what creatures trod the flanks?
Were there flowers in the nooks
blooms on rushing water's banks?
One day far through future mists
when these peaks have worn down to hills
what beings will then be around
to wonder at men who walked these rills?
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Thu, 2011-07-28 07:30
hi Ian
You may be right about personalizing this one. I'll think on it a day or two. Perhaps everybody is caught up in summer doldrums as am I lol..........stan
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2011-09-05 05:08
You have poetry and meter in your bones
I don't like your poetry much, to me it lacks social content and humour, but don't mistake that for not appreciating it.
You posted 3 poems today so on general principle I will only comment on this one.
This poem just does not say much to me. It intimates the ravages of time but fails to make a human comment.
You have so much natural ability but at times your chosen form, traditional rhyming fails through missing meter and grammatical inversions for rhyme. Neither a problem here, one of your best.
I don't know why you haven't joined my meter workshop. I think you would benefit from it more than most.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Mon, 2011-09-05 09:37
Hi Jess
I only posted 1 poem today . 2 of what you see are minor edits of older poems. Not my fault that edits go to top of stream. That's why I usually only edit 2-3 at a time lol. Some poems I write Do comment on the human condition and social issues and I've even been accused of using humor before. Haven't joined your meter shop yet due to busy schedule at the moment, but will try to drop in as time permits.Hmmm......you know, this poem does comment on the fleeting duration of men and man...............stan PS I used to put (edit) beside poems I had edited but when I got ready to transfer them to hard copy, they went back to top of stream as being edited because I removed"edit" from title line lol.Damned if I di-Damned if I dont
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