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morning sex during a thunderstorm

Spoon feeding each other
the rain
moaning with the thunder
zig-zag bodies convulsing

but you didn't like the poem
I wrote afterwards,
you said
it didn't do anything for you
and there weren't any lines
that jarred you

but hey, I could have said
sex wasn't earth-shattering
but I won't.

and all you could say is "better".

All I could think is yeah, it better
be better or this metaphor will
walk out the door.

"He loves me."

p.s. No poets were harmed in the making of this poem
(He said yet, as of this moment.)

Editing stage: 

Comments

the title is true to the encore dished out in the main course...the interactive lines surely spiced it up...

raj (sublime_ocean)

i know you generally don't like to tinker with your poem...yet a wee bit suggestion..

i think the like "go out with a toss" could read better than "walk out the door"

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barry keeps me honest, hence metaphor walks out the door, Raj. Thanks for reading and the comments.

~A

author comment

hmmmmmmmm "Barry keeps me honest"...well said Anna ...women are stingy with compliments for their Man..lol..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks, I enjoyed the banter between you two, made me smile!

Thunder storms are a wonderful catalysis, and there's always
something going on underneath.

Richard

join the banter ..lol...

raj (sublime_ocean)

all i could say was "crazy":)
lovely poem Anna

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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