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Memoirs
like a flower;
in the icy winters,
awaiting it’s fall,
like a moon;
hanging overhead,
awaiting the inevitable dawn,
like a ball;
hanging by a thread,
waiting to bounce,
I fall.
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments
magics02
Thu, 2011-08-18 08:34
Love it
Missed reading you and this is simple and straight up just like I like to write also. Hope all has been fine for you and nice to read this pleasure this morning. Good day
Mona
dhruv
Fri, 2011-08-19 04:00
hey, mona!
your name reminds me of the song!
thanks a lot for reading, i am glad you like it! sometimes simple poetry seems to tell the story far better than a complicated piece.
Dhruv
author commentraj
Thu, 2011-08-18 15:10
Nice one Dhruv...you may want
Nice one Dhruv...you may want to change "morning" to "dawn"...
raj (sublime_ocean)
dhruv
Fri, 2011-08-19 03:56
terrific suggestion, my
terrific suggestion, my friend. i think dawn makes much more sense in this context. thanks a million!
Dhruv
author commentdhruv
Fri, 2011-08-19 04:01
the analogy very neatly
the analogy very neatly explains how i feel sometimes. this may be simple and short but it's roots are much deeper.
thanks for reading, and the comments!
Dhruv
author comment