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Malicious (hate poem for emotions workshop)

Malicious
for emotions workshop

(Hate poem)

vicious bitch of maliciousness
once claimed to be my friend
how you used and abused me
may your karma come back to you three fold
invoking chaos you made a shambles
of my peaceful home with your discordant note
my contempt for you is mountainous
I abhor your every breath
your life force is piteous
I know nothing for you but revulsion
You are a stone in my shoe
and I will pummel you to dust
with the hammer of my disgust
my rage for you is such
it burns me with tempered fire
where ere you go I shall follow
from the ravages of the life
you left in pathos pieces
as Ahab said with his dying breath
"I spit my heart at thee!"

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This is a repost. I accidentally deleted the first one. DEDICATED TO: Lyn Waters Ratzberg
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thank you for pointing that out. I have remedied the situation.

Always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

i remember having commented on this yesterday but don't see it here...seems to have dissapeared...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I read your thoughtful comment yesterday. It isn't here because I had to repost the poem as I accidently deleted the original. Thank you for commenting again.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

ok..that explains my missing comment..

once again i am unable to post this comment as a workshop critique because below the words "workshop Critique" there is only "N/A" option available...

coming to your poem Cat..you have played a Witch here..lol...there are so many favorites here but the one which will make anyone run for dear life are the lines...

I will pummel you to dust
with the hammer of my disgust

Gosh! you are at your hateful best here...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I hope I didn't scare you...

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

LOL in fact you did...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Hi Cat, I'm hoping this is just a write, because the
"hate" sure seems to have a real tone here.

hoping all is well

Richard

But the "Hate" is real. I wrote it about someone who took my friendship and used me. The things she did are horrendous. I won't go into it here, but she was someone we had to ban from Neo over a year ago. Her neo name was "pint sized" Her real name is Lyn waters Ratzberg. I took her into my home...

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

with Chrys, however, I think you should change the second 'contempt' specifically. This poem is very easy to understand but radiates an air of sophistication and indifference (although we all know that indifferent can't exist alongside hate). But it's there, the disgust, the hate.

Very palpable, great language. I don't really like the title. I'm not sure, perhaps it was one that you just decided to use because you couldn't come up with anything else? That's just how it feels to me. But if that is your title, so shall it be.

Great write.

-

Thank you. I have exchanged the second "contempt" for another word, just as you suggested. I appreciate your comment.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Golden gal I made comment and I do believe it went like this.

I know you felt better after you wrote this and you released alot of serotonin on this one:) Wink

Felt good didn't it. I would'nt change a thing. It is you and your feelings. Emotive poetry at its best. Great job and maybe I need to find my lost stick friend too. I even forget his/her name. Help me Cat Help me Cat

Love to you
Mona
xoxox

I accidently deleted the original poem. I had too many windows open at the same time, LOL! It felt wonderful to get this off my chest. I highly recommend it for catharsis. LOL! Thank you for the comment, dear.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Cat,

I believe I know who this about, so it really came to life for me.

Actually from what I know, your words merely scratch the surface of what you feel. To take this to the next evel, requires Mr Styx!!

I felt every hate filled word here, and this is one of those poems that you read and feel like the author...I am typing this with hate in my fingertips!! LOL!

A minor tweak if I may?

You are a stone in my shoe
and I will pummel you to dust

You are the stone in my shoe
THAT I will pummel INTO dust

Thanks for sharing,

HS

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