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LIKE MADMEN, SEERS AND FOOLS rewrite

LIKE MADMEN, SEERS AND FOOLS

Riding waves electric
like bolts of lghtening
striking deep inside my brain
I touch upon my own madness
perceptions sharp and clear
dark knowings and understsndings
too painful for my mind to bear
my voice to speak

my thoughts and senses carry me
deeper into seeing
and like madmen, seers and fools
I suddenly know a dfferent dreaming

I hover closely to myself
in fear of separation
looking from the outside in
I watch my body slowly die
no longer able
to hold my soul safe inside

Editing stage: 

Comments

I hover closely to myself
in fear of separation

Have you ever considered (seriously) writing lyric poetry? You know. Form, rhyme, all that nonsense? Your ability to twist a phrase to create a perspective is made for it.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Thanks, I write by instinct. I don't have the skill for writing poetry with a definitive structure or rhyme scheme. Form and content for me come together "naturally' as I write--not always sucessfully, I am afraid,
Jess,good friend, has helped me a great deal, but he would have a "field day" with some of these poems. Ouch! lol

My poetry-- f that is what it is--is being published on KINDLE and should come out next week, My writing does not please everyone,but then again, we each of us take our chances.

joe

author comment

where is the poem for comparison

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

Thanks. I worked from orignal. Did not like first one at all.

Joe

author comment

for comparison. I don't like the original I posted either but will work it later.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

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