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Loup Garlou...

As Lou hurried down the alley, she stumbled once or twice
She had had one two many, against our sage advice
The whisper of the footfalls, the furtive sneaky kind
Gave her chills and shivers, as they came up from behind

She whirled around real quick, tried to see what it was
Lou had a glimpse of werewolf, teeth and fur and claws
She should have screamed right then and there; now she's out of breath
No one will hear her now, as she meets her death

The fog rolls slowly in on her, it closes off her sight
Scared shitless, she don't think, she'll make it through the night
The hackles rise up on her neck, there's a snake of fear in her gut
She feels the monster right beside her, it tries to grab her butt

Shaking off the paws of doom, she slaps his howling mouth
He tries to kiss her lips off, she fends off the paws gone south
Thrown to the ground and ravaged, she doesn't feel ashamed
Her kicks have found their mark, now he's been throughly maimed

She needs a pet to play with, she ties him up and then
Hurries him through the back door, and her dim lit little kitchen
Now he's tied up in the closet, she takes him out at night
There's howling from the apartment, the neighbors get such a fright

Nothing like a dog, to keep you company
At least that's what she says; "Surely you can see"
I guess that's what you get, when you try to take on lou
Werewolves, vamps and monsters, think before you do!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Lou has said that she has never been in any poem, so... I thought I would write one with her in it. She is a good sport, and didn't take it as being demeaning or as an insult. Thanks Lou, Love ya, ~ Gee
Editing stage: 

Comments

I often don't even read 'inside' poems, poems about Neopoet, Neopoet members or poetry but this was worth the exception.

Most people don't realise the craft and skill involved in writing long lined, metered rhyming verse like this, until they try it. Quite apart from the fun and the story I admire your wordcraftsmanship.

Sure the meter falters here and there, nothing worth quibbling about. The rhyme feels easy and natural.

Quite an achievement sir. If I was Lou I would feel honoured.
ps. I've been in a few poems here and they've sometimes been crappy, nasty and insulting, but [sighs] we reap what we sow.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

on all counts, Jess. I am pleased that it came out so well. As I told Lou, when it started, I had no idea that it would take the turns that it did. it just turned out the way it did of it's own violition. LOL But I'm glad that it was recieved in the spirit that it was, and thanks to Lou for being a good sport, and writing one of the naked biker. [ Whom I'm sure , some will recognise.] LOL ~ Gee

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author comment

Oh Gee, I love dogs LMAO !!!!

Thank you i'm very flattered that you have written this poem for me.

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

that you are pleased. I knew you would get a kick of kicking the crap out of a werewolf and making a pet of him. Love ya, ~ Gee

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What a wonderful treat!!! And very well written. It made me giggle, and I'm not a giggler, LOL! I'll bet Lou was very flattered by this. I know I would be.

Nothing like a dog, to keep you company
At least that's what she says; "Surely you can see"
I guess that's what you get, when you try to take on lou
Werewolves, vamps and monsters, think before you do!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

as flattered as she says. I wouldn't want to piss her off!
All in good fun, and really meant it as a compliment. She's a good egg. ~ Gee

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I more often than not dislike the sentimental stuff that is posted as poetry dedicated to a Neopoet. This, kind sir, is worth adulation, now I'm insanely jealous!

~A

p.s. jus' kiddin' Sir Gee, put yer pencil down, it's an illegal, well-concealed weapon!

was right,"One writes for people like oneself - even if they don't know any such people", but I happen to know a few! You know what they say; "Birds of a feather, and all that! Thanks, ~ Gee

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that you got to see this too. I thought that it would be recieved in the spirit that it was written. I don't often misjudge my friends. You are right, she is a great person to have around. She works hard and plays hard too! She had mentioned in her chat, that she had never been in any poem, so I was going to kill her in a most vicious ugly way, but somehow found myself making her the heroine. LOL I guess it goes to show, the fiesty ones always get the best of ya.! A week and a half huh? I am going to hold you to your promise of writing. I know you will be busy, and having fun and all that, but do keep in touch!
Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

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Geez you did a good job here and I am sure Lou got a laugh and dig at it. One line threw me off but all in all it was a great story poem as Lou being one of the characters. Great job coming from your dark sides:)

See you in chatter box

Mona
xox

twisted askew, and I let humor have it's say too. I love letting my friends know how much I care about them. Lou is a great friend, and I wanted to do something for her. I thought she would be a good sport, and take it as a tribute. Which line threw you? I'm curious. ~ Gee

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