Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
LONG AND SHORT SLEEVES
These amputees you see
Along the streets of Freetown
Made their choices to stay alive
When the rebels asked them
To choose between the two
Long or short sleeves
And they cut off their hands
Accordingly
The wrist for a long
And elbow for a short
When Ben encountered them
He refused to select any sleeve
They tied him up
And cut off both his wrists
He begged them to kill him
Instead of being a burden
They put him in the boot of a car
And burnt him alive
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Favorite Poets
Inspired by an article in an old manuscript, It reads:, AXIOMS OF PERFECTION, In the physical order – In the realization of the dream of beauty, In the moral order – In the realization of the dream of love, In the intellectual order – In the realization of dream of poetry, In the spiritual order – In the realization of the dream of the mystics
Comments
weirdelf
Wed, 2011-08-31 12:18
Not a poem
A tale of horror.
No prosodic values.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
raj
Thu, 2011-09-01 07:17
A soft title for a hard tale
A soft title for a hard tale of woes and profound sadness...
raj (sublime_ocean)