Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Lead me

Let me breathe in your life,
live in your heart forever
Bathe in your soul and feed on your love

Take me away from this dark desolate world,
free me from these bonds, that strangle my limbs,
that tear my flesh

Lead me,
beyond this darkness
Lead me,
into your light

Teach me to walk and I shall find my way to you
Teach me to speak and I shall only speak of our love
Teach me to hear, so that I may listen to the beating of your heart

I love you
as the sun loves the African skies
as the great oceans love the sands.
I shall hold you
as the trees hold the heavens in their mighty palms
I shall walk with you,
beyond this world
beyond this life

When that majestic sun sets upon me
when those mighty trees are ripped from the earth's womb
When the oceans run dry
and our bodies melt into the wind
thats where I shall love you,
love you, forever more

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is a poem from the heart I would like to guess. Look at line 6...(maybe it can be done this way-Teach me to speak/Teach me speech and I shall only speak from the heart.
Also the last line does not sound right for me however this are just suggestions.

Great write.

Thanks for the comments

author comment

This is the first chance i've had to read one of your poems. To me this reads like lyrics for a song, my only suggestion is that you could break it up into verses. Apart from that its very enjoyable.

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Thanks Lou for reading glad you enjoyed it im actually quite new to this whole writin poetry thing this was my first poem ive ever written so was just lookin for sum tips on ways to improve myself as a poet. Thanks for reading

author comment

hope i can be more help in future

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

What do you think does it flow smoother now?

author comment

Thank you oh so very much means a lot thank you

author comment

Neruda is just amazing Ill look out for that book my favourite though it was the first poetry book i ever bought that grew with me was twenty love poems and a song of despair.

author comment

bit of adulation. My one little crit. is that I would have said, in the third line; feed [on] your love, instead of off. Just my preference of not saying anything in the negative when speaking in these terms. Great stuff, ~ Geezer

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

you are spot on thanks

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.