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Jess 14:6
I am
the wank
the poof
and the wife
No man cometh unto orgasm but by me.
Well it's not necessarily so
there are many ways I know
still if you want the real truth
you don't need no polling booth
If anyone says there's only one way
and different ones say the same
consider them all and say
you're all wrong
and all to blame.
To be blunt
anyone who believes in one truth
is a smug cunt
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Sydney, Australia
Favorite Poets
The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard
Comments
themoonman
Thu, 2011-10-20 08:43
lol
What a blasphemous statement, to even think there is
more than one way to do or think of "anything" ....
adult minds should want to know
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-10-28 09:35
hehe
blasphemy is my specialty
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentKailashana2
Thu, 2011-10-20 09:02
There's only one way. My way
There's only one way. My way.
Now there's my blasphemous statement.
;-)
~A
weirdelf
Thu, 2011-10-20 09:07
Blasphemous bastards of the world unite!
In their disparate ways, of course [grins]
All absolutists are absolutely wrong.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentWilliam Saint George
Thu, 2011-10-20 12:30
My thoughts
The poem started well, with the audacity and the tempo needed to "move on"
The contraction "ain't" dampened it for me. The lack of punctuation made it bit difficult to tell where one sentence ended, and another begun.
The last stanza was a bit of a lift :
If anyone says there's only one way
and different ones say the same
consider them all and say
you're all wrong
and all to blame
I don't get how the first two lines relate, but the end is wrapped up neatly.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
weirdelf
Thu, 2011-10-20 13:01
I agree this poem needs work.
Punctuation may help.
I hoped that my re-wording of the Bible's John 4:16 might grab enough attention to what I really wanted to say which is any belief or religion that claims it is the only truth must definitely be wrong.
My use of un-grammatic contractions was an attempt to make it more accessible, possibly un-successful.
I'll work on this, thanks for the critique, it is always appreciated.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2011-10-28 09:45
You're right
it reads much better without 'ain't', thanks.
The first stanza is a transliteration from John 14:6 in the Christian bible, that's how the first verse relates.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentKailashana2
Thu, 2011-10-20 17:44
Oh, God. Punctuation. The
Oh, God. Punctuation. The bane of beginning poets?
How about this poet, W.S. Merwin: http://www.barclayagency.com/merwin.html
Barry and I read his most recent book: "The Shadow of Sirius" He uses little if any,
punctuation.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/books/2008327531_br02merwin.html
Both of us vacillate between no punctuation and sometime-punctuation.
Punctuation is imo, totally unnecessary. Jess, how do you feel about its content, did you say everything you wanted & needed to?
~A
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-10-21 06:34
I think so.
Can't be sure till I get some critique from someone who is offended by it. [grins]
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2011-10-28 09:41
nah, if re-incarnation happens
I'll come back as a besser block, or god.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentwhitetea
Fri, 2011-10-28 08:54
>
fucking brilliant.
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-10-28 09:42
ta
[grins]
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentKailashana2
Fri, 2011-10-28 10:21
"fucking brilliant"....I
"fucking brilliant"....I wonder what she means by that....;-)
Hi whitetea, nice 2cu again!
~A
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-10-28 10:37
Well when someone says 'nice day'
I can think 'I wonder what she means by that' or think, yes it is.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentBarbara Writes
Mon, 2011-10-31 13:45
It's not one truth, but the bible truth
There is one Bible, different versions, but one bible where the truth can be found. Yep there is more than one way, but do they all lead to one truth that is only found in one bible. If you believe in what the bible says then you believe in one truth. If you don't believe in what the bible says then in my opinion you don't believe the truth because there is some truth in all beliefs. Ones beliefs is in their interpretation on the bible whereas the bible interprets itself. A careful study of the bible will reveal the truth.
I'm saying, if I expressed myself well and often I don't as my meaning get obscured by my strangeness, the truth is not a religion or a way, but what the bible says compared to this worlds disobedient, lawless way.
Not offended by your views just sharing mine.
About the poem, I think is brilliant write. The sexual tone to convey a religious thought, well done.
Orgasm and smug cunt. Brilliant use of style. Its a shocking way of writing, but a very effective one. Explaining yourself at the end made it easy for me to separate sex from religion being the type of individual that I am.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-10-31 16:31
you and your strange ways...
delight me.
You know, of course, that the poem is talking about other truths outside the Christian bible, including the ecstatic truth of sexuality, but it's great to hear you outspoken.
Trust your strange ways, my dear-
"The lunatic, the lover, and the poet,
Are of imagination all compact"
Shakespeare
hmmm I'm going to make that my new signature, so you'll see it repeated below,
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentBarbara Writes
Mon, 2011-10-31 17:56
Oh I am not so familiar with the other truth
in my ignorance I appreciate you response and explanation
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-10-31 18:04
Simply that there are truths (plural)
and falsehoods, in all beliefs. I'm not real fond of any particular religion, I'm an atheist, which does not make me an innately a better or worse person, each makes their choices. I surely find no evidence of any after-life, or any reason to believe in one, so I judge only by behaviour.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
author commentBarbara Writes
Mon, 2011-10-31 20:57
Judge by behavior
behavior is all we can see to judge another. But it's what in a person heart that we can't see or read that God judges because we can't know what's in another's heart to judge as good or bad.
Atheist, Christian, etc. There are reason for our belief. As we are born innocence void of a particular belief. Our belief are shaped and molded by our experiences growing up.
As an adult we choose our way. We have that right to do so and none should try to make decisions or lifestyles changes for any.
In the end it's our life, our choices, who are we to judge, but we do anyway.
You are who you are and it dose not make you bad just wrong or right based on who is judging and I judge not
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-10-31 22:15
Amen
to that.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
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