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Jealousy's Voice

Submitted by Apostolos "Paul... on Fri, 2011-11-18 17:45

Your hatred
Became the nicotine
To my
Cigarette

Addicted to negativity
Even if it
Belittles me

Your every word
Was an earthquake
To my confidence

No pill can mute
Jealousy’s voice
Only the sound
Of success’s laughter

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

lou

Fri, 2011-11-18 21:36

lou's picture

i like the idea of jealousy being nicotine, therefore poisonous and cancerous, can't fault the poem.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

wesley snow

Fri, 2011-11-18 21:40

wesley snow's picture
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...from Jeffrey Gibson's playbook (you won't get the reference, don't worry about it) and say that this poem is unfinished. The first line doesn't quite make sense. Perhaps "in" my cigarette or "for"? Not sure.
The rest is self explanatory except the last line.
Exactly what "success" did you mean?
This is the first poem of yours I have read and I usually don't like to be too critical until I get to know someone, but the confusion I felt when reading this moved me to risk insulting you.
There is too much of the "inside joke" syndrome here. That all makes sense if you already know the situation. Hence, my idea that it feels unfinished. I'd like to return after you maybe fleshed it out some... if I haven't pissed you off.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Apostolos "Paul...

Fri, 2011-11-18 21:41

Apostolos "Paul" Anagnostopoulos's picture
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for your words

author comment

Bonitaj

Sat, 2011-11-19 10:11

Bonitaj's picture
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I totally "get this"! all but for one technicality! I think the word you're referring to is (or should be) ENVY! There is a lot in the psychological literature about the term and it's insidious nature. Read up something by Melanie Klein - the doyanne of this particular theory! "ENVY and GRATITUDE"
Wesley, with that as a backdrop, the poem is totally 'fleshed out'!
I liked it!
Cheers
Boni

Bonitaj

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