Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Irreparable (sorrow poem for emotions workshop)

Irreparable

sorrow poem for workshop

I dined upon chocolate falsehoods
dipped by my lover’s own hand
he composed for me tender missives
written on the a sandy white shore
swept clean away by the eventide
he came to my waiting bedside
a rosebud in his hand
filling my heart with hope and dreams
of a life I would never know
Enchanted me with stories of desire
transformed to broken promises of fancy's flight
he delivered to me a phantom kiss
it turned into a tiny seed
the seed became a baby
that neither cried nor stirred
he ripped it from my hungry arms
nevermore to return to me
he gave to me miseries untold
coloring the rest of my life
he took my youth spent it unwisely
threw it away for a prideful song
now I fill my days with letters
spun upon a spindle woven into words

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
no use of the word sorrow.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I dreampt this piece and woke up with it floating through my head. Truely! So I don't know if I can take full credit for it.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

you poem puts mine to shame.

good stuff

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

"you poem puts mine to shame." NO WAY! You are an excellent writer!!!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

you have spun a great tale which transforms from love to hate to sorrow with the magic of your words..though it is sorrowful it is a poetic delight..

what is note worthy is that you have used the same structure and form for all poems posted in this workshop on emotions...

in the book Neopoet is planning to publish i suggest there be a section "poetic tales" and the likes of this poem should find a place in it...

much love and applause..

raj (sublime_ocean)

This is a true story, about my first husband. At twenty-three he was to imature to be married. There was a second husband inbetween number 1 and steve. Number 2 was a cheater. Steve is wonderful and we have been married almost 30 years. Thank you for your supportive words. You fill me with confidence.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

it's good to know that the clouds made way for sunshine ever since Steve stepped into your life...my best wishes to you guys....

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks for your good wishes!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Thanks for the kindness, even though it is a little exagerated. You are a fine writer and teacher.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.