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Irene (ver 2.0)
Oh! Goddess of Peace
have mercy on the mortals
do save our souls
Editing stage:
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Comments
Dalton
Sun, 2011-08-28 14:56
Hi Raj
Nice short piece. Is this a haiku, usually I would remove the word "the" from the last line. "The" grief sounds wrong to me. Butt hen I don't wish to interfere with the laws of that technique.
John
raj
Sun, 2011-08-28 15:11
John
thank you for the read and your comment...yes it is a haiku..
you are right about "the" causing a jarring effect...i have altered the line...hope this reads better...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentDalton
Sun, 2011-08-28 15:27
Hi Raj
I'm glad you are far away from the effects of this terrible event.
John
raj
Sun, 2011-08-28 15:33
you are right John..
you are right John...physically i am far away but thoughts are with those who have been afflicted...which inspired this write...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentscribbler
Sun, 2011-08-28 15:56
Hi raj
It appears that this storm is not going to be quite as damaging as was believed, but still pretty bad. A timely Haiku.......stan
raj
Sun, 2011-08-28 16:15
yes Stan..thankfully Irene
yes Stan..thankfully Irene the Goddess of peace has eased off and shown mercy..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentloved
Sun, 2011-08-28 21:10
they come like airy tsunamis
thank god
for your haiku
AND DIVINE
mercy
loved
raj
Mon, 2011-08-29 14:52
Hi Loved..
thanks for stopping by and dropping a comment...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentmagics02
Mon, 2011-08-29 03:23
Amen Raj
Nicely done. I share your sentiment for all the family and friends from the New England States.
Mona
raj
Mon, 2011-08-29 14:54
Hi Mona
thank you for the read and comment...its nice to know that Irene did have some mercy on the mortals and the devastation of the hurricane was much less than was anticipated and feared...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-08-30 08:14
Sorry, I don't like it.
it is a trite prayer.
You have done and could do better.
cheers,
Jess
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raj
Tue, 2011-08-30 15:44
thank you Jess for sharing
thank you Jess for sharing your frank opinion...it is appreciated...
Cheers!
raj (sublime_ocean)
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