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INCOMMUNICADO
The dialogue of silence
resembles theatre of the absurd.
He’s waiting for Godot -
She dare not utter a word.
He speaks with disdain,
his body language concurs,
she turns away trembing -
“communication”
is just another word.
The wanton isolation
of not being heard.
They loved once
before they recognised the abyss,
before they touched the void.
Anxiety and anguish
Co-joined protagonists
In a play called Folie a deux
Zeitgeist the grim backdrop
To the greyness they’ve found.
where Silence grows like cancer
and loneliness abounds....
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
Tip of Southern Africa
Favorite Poets
Too many to narrow down, but briefly :, AUDEN, T.S. ELIOT, DICKENSON, RILKE, THOREAU, RUMI ... the list is endless. Am inspired by many, especially those that live lives of "quiet desperation, and go to the grave with a song still in them" (THoreau)
Comments
themoonman
Tue, 2011-07-12 14:57
Hi Boni ...
Been there in that void, well, let's just say I can sure
understand this poem. Sometimes people grow apart,
it's not necessarily one or the other's fault, just a natural
growing away that occurs ...
felt you could do away with "they've each found", thought
it would be stronger with the "grey" ending that line.
Richard
Kailashana2
Tue, 2011-07-12 15:11
Niiiice!
Niiiice!
I agree with Richard... perhaps incommunicado--where loneliness abounds as a title?
Also dare not *sounds* more apropos for the opening stanza.
~A
Bonitaj
Tue, 2011-07-12 15:18
thanks Richard!
particularly liked the "kind cut" and the editing out of extra words. For your perusal and that of others who have been 'cornered' in a relationship for some time - thought you'd find this interesting! I know I did!
http://www.iol.co.za:80/lifestyle/love-sex/marriage/are-you-stuck-in-a-s...
cheers
Boni
Bonitaj
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-07-12 15:28
Uless you've got a very diffferent read
On "Waitng for Godot" than me, those middle two verses lose the plot.
I love the opening, and context, the ending brings it's own brilliant value.
Just those middle two verses. I know it is anathema to ask a poet to explain their poem, but do those verses fit or do they need work?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Bonitaj
Tue, 2011-07-12 16:04
HEY Jess!
Now you got me thinking...
Him waiting for Godot suggests the relationship aint too good either, i.e. "waiting for better days..." ?
does that make it any easier? better is far too superlative a description!
Thanks for commenting!
Boni
Bonitaj
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2011-07-12 17:19
They are not really waiting for anything,
or, conversly waiting endlessly for nothing.
"ESTRAGON:
What about hanging ourselves?
VLADIMIR:
Hmm. It'd give us an erection. "
I saw it and others of his, directed by Beckett performed by "Criminals", well prisoners allowed out to do the show. It was fucking brilliant.
Still wonder about those middle two stanzas.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Bonitaj
Wed, 2011-07-13 05:59
Jess!
I think that the essence of what Eliot wanted to portray was just that... we all THINK we are waiting for something better... but it never comes! That is the irony! That is the crux of existential isolation!
Glad that it provoked a response in you and that you were able to relate to some of the thinking though. Or moreover!be forced to defend your stance!
CHeers
Boni
Bonitaj
author commentKailashana2
Tue, 2011-07-12 19:42
Haven't we all waited for
Haven't we all waited for something to change in our relationships? And it never does?
~A
Bonitaj
Wed, 2011-07-13 05:59
Anna!
Touche! See above!
Thanks
Boni
Bonitaj
author commentBonitaj
Wed, 2011-07-13 06:03
Ian
How very generous of you to have found some merit in this piece (cf. your last line in the commentary) My take has always been, that I write for myself: as a catharsis, as a forfm of so-called "creative expression". In many instances, I too have read pieces where the writer has put in foreign words, or concepts and I know in particular the former have annoyed me somewhat. So, yes! I can totally agree with your comments, however.... I think why I write gives me sufficient excuse to annoy others where necessary, and strike a chord in others, where possible!
Thanks so much for your heartfelt commentary!
Much appreciated
Boni
Bonitaj
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2011-07-13 11:19
Dear Boni,
A good one!
The wanton isolation
of not being heard.
They loved once
before they recognised the abyss,
before they touched the void.
my favorite verse, but check the spelling on recognized.
I've been here before... awaited those changes to come and when they didn't, I set about to change things myself. It doesn't work unless the other half of the equation is accepting.
always, Cat
*
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