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I Like those Who Side Me

We are an individual entity
So we have the key.
A damned hard one
With which, we can knock and open.

Such a key, you have taken charge of,
Though a bit too late
Yet I assure you, now no swine
Without permission, can enter your gate

Dogs are not allowed
Now tell them so
Since you are yourself, hence,
As a new life, now you commence.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


Seems you had something to say, but I must be honest, I feel this poem need some work. Major.

First, the punctuation. Please read this poem as you will want it to be read. Where you pause, put a coma. When you try to "explain" another thought, use a semi-colon. If you mean to start another thread of thought, use a full stop.

Without punctuation, a poem is hard to read. It is like water in a shapeless container. We see it, read it, know what it is, but cannot guess what it should be like.

Do not assume that at the end of every line comes a natural pause. Be explicit in your punctuation. use parentheses if you have to. Shelley did, and it was marvelous.

Then, it'll be best to leave a little note so we know how to approach the poem. The title is often not enough

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

I shall endeavour as so rightly pointed out
Thank you
I shall redo as suggested shortly


author comment

I compose off my mind ,
as you all know ,
I am not much of a seasoned poet

A scientist whose hobby is,
to compose extempore ,off the cuff
Thanks Rosi ,
you are kind,
like Shirley was to me .

Happy reading


author comment
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