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I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME

I remember the first time
My parents took me to school
I wore an oversized white shirt
Tucked into a large brown khaki shorts
With braces hanging on my shoulders
I stood in the middle of the class
With a black slate and chalk in hand
Like a fish out of water, quivering
The sight of the teacher with a cane
Made me afraid and I cried

I remember the first time
In a Sunday school class
The preacher spoke so eloquently
With claims of divine authority
My bladder was full and nearly burst
I looked the preacher in the eye;
There, he was a god. I dare not speak a word.
Unable to bear the mounting pressure,
I cried and pissed right into my pants.
My urine messed up the floor
And made my day a misery

Do you remember your very first time?
At school and in your Sunday class?
Did you cry and mess up the holy floor too?
Looking back in years, I resolved
To face ‘every-first-time’ with joy
It could be a thrilling adventure
When you are in full control
No teacher or preacher will make me cry again
Knowing fully well as I do now
That the path to self enlightenment lies not
In the other man but in me alone

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

My first time in church I asked if the minister was god.
I got slapped for heresy.

My first time in school I was terrified,
and yes, wet my pants,
too afraid to ask to go to the toilet.

My only complaint about this poem is that it lacks prosodic quality.

Please consider joining the Meter shark pool.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

or especially ! marks

One ! lacks quality in verse
Two !! is redundant
Three !!! is excessive
Four !!!! is psychotic

teehee

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

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