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Hooves Of Fire

Have you ever felt the wind rush through your hair,

And did it make you feel like you could go anywhere.

Did the thundering hooves of the horse you mount,

Make your heart race and pound.

Did your face feel cold from the wind rushing by,

Yet you couldn't help but but wonder why.

Why such a powerful creature let you ride,

And how can an animal always be at your side.

The power and confidence I feel when I'm on a horse,

Is so amazing and is like no other force.

At the galloping pace I feel the highest,

When the sun is shining it's very brightest.

How can an animal make me feel so free,

When I ride it's not me anymore it's we.

You become one with a horse when your astride,

I love to ride bareback near the oceans tide.

The pounding hooves splash the salty sea,

It is so amazing, How oh how can this be.

I want you to feel the intense power,

The freedom to stop and smell the flowers.

The highest of possible high,

I want you to feel,

What i feel when i ride.

By Nichole Natalie 8-17-2011

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I liked the theme, having owned horses and ridden them since I was a small, i know the freedom that is gained from them. I think that the first line should say 'rush through your hair, ' rather than 'rush through hair,' just makes more sense. Apart from that I enjoyed this poem very much.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Actually not to sound like a smart a** here but the "Rush through hair was a type-O i meant to have "your" in the first sentence. LOL that's what i get for typing a poem in a hurry. I appreciate your input and thank u so much for reading my work. I have a certain love and appreciation for horses and riding them. They are very loyal and as i pointed out, very very powerful. Tell me about your experience with horses sometime if you wish. I'm always looking for fellow horse lovers! :) Thanks again so much.
Sincerely Nichole

PS. I'll fix the type-O lol

author comment

Love to tell you about my horses. I haven't owned one for a while, stopped riding when I was a teenager and boys became more interesting, but I have fond memories and i still love them.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Thank you lou for your help and i will definitely have to try the splash pool workshop.
I'd love to hear about your horses, What breed did you have? have color were they?
I can never get enough horse info.
Thank U again.

Nichole

author comment

I had many different horses, I begged my dad to buy me one when I was 5, he said I could have one when I was 6. My first was called Rusty, and he was rusty cause he would never move and when I was 7 he threw me off and fractured my wrist LOL !! The only one that was remotely well bred was an Anglo Arab grey mare called Bolt from the Blue, but I was 12 and she wes too much for me.

Your poem has made me think, I might write a poem on the subject.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

this one made my heart pound while riding every crest of the ride...let me catch up my breath ...before i re-visit this tumultuous write...for now just a wow!!...

i wouldn't really like to change anything...yet i am tempted to make a couple of suggestions...would you mind that?...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I wouldn't mind, please do make all the suggestions you wish to make i am very open minded and would love to hear someone else perspective on my writing. I want to better it as much as i can so my readers enjoy their reading time with me. Thank you very VERY much for the compliments they are very much appreciated and needed ;) I'm so glad my writing took you on a ride of you own. There is no better feeling than to know my readers actually enjoyed what they read. I have a big smile now :D
Thank you again and hey feel free to tell me what you think.
Sincerely Nichole

author comment

i couldn't keep myself from coming back to this page where you have created a poem which is so full of energy...i suggest you take a re=look at some of these little things to improve upon the cadence and flow:-

a) avoid repetitive use of the word Did...think of some alternatives
b) keep the use of the word And to a bare minimum especially at the start of a line
c) the major portion of your poem questions the reader about his feelings and then suddenly in the later portion you switch to yourself by using I
d) there are few word changes i would suggest but they can wait...

having said that ..even otherwise your poem recreates the energy each time i read it...such is its magic...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I find it very satisfying that you came BACK to read my writing again, this one was special to me. I have to thank you for reading it again and for sharing your thoughts on it, i love it when someone tells me what they think and how they feel when they read my writing.
Thanks so much.

Nichole

author comment

it's no big deal to share thoughts and ideas with friends here...i will look forward to re-reading it in case you decide to tweak it up...as i would look forward too to read more from your poetic pen...

Cheers!

raj (sublime_ocean)

I've never had the pleasure of riding either but i have always wanted to sooo badly. I got to take care of some one summer for a friend and my uncle has two of them that i recently visited. As you stated they are highly intelligent and very forgiving and this is one thing i have to come to appreciate about them. I too have seen the TV shows you are talking about, though it makes me sick to watch. I have had pets since i could walk and they have always been "My babies" so when i see an animals hurt i tend to become a very angry person at who ever has hurt these innocent, loving, loyal, and forgiving beings. I tend to be better with animals sometimes than i am humans lol for this very reason. They don't care if your hair is messed up or if you haven't showered they still great you the same and love you just as much. I recently lost my dog Kodi a Chocolate Labrador and he was a member of my family since day one. R.I.P Kodi boy.
Thank you so much for reading my work and i'm glad we have the same perspective on horses and other animals :)
Sincerely Nichole

author comment

Welcome to the site, I like your poem, like the content.
I've ridden on quite a few occasions myself, but haven't
always had good experiences with horses. I had one that
wanted to bite me while on his back, I jumped off and he chased
me around a tree, which I promptly climbed. It was a girls horse,
and we were riding two of them, she had a good hearty laugh about
that, I expect she still laughs when she thinks about it, I know I do.

Your poem seems to have some rhythm problems, some lines
are a bit long, if you were to even it out a bit, it could help.
Line #6 has an extra "but", perhaps you meant "but to" there.
Line #15 your - you're
smell the flowers - cliche, I'm sure you can come up with something
less cliche there.
the highest of possible high, stumbler for me, perhaps something like;
the highest of all possible highs (highs, they are many) or
the highest possible high (singular, but implicates more)

thanks for posting, enjoyed the read, picturesque !

Richard

Thank you so much for your opinion and thank you for reading my work! :D This one was very special to me! :) As you can tell i have a certain love and admiration for horses, I do not own any but one summer years ago i got to take care of a few for a friend and that summer will never leave my sweet memories. I will see what i can do about changing it a bit as you suggested. It may take me a bit i am not online much lately due to a roller coaster of a life style and some "interesting" things that have gone on lately. I hope to make my writing please as many people as i can, though i cannot please everyone. Thank you again for your help and reading my work. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

Sincerely Nichole.

PS. I like the screen name u have that's cool Moon Man:)

author comment

This is very beautifully expressed and was a joy to read. Nice work, Nicvhole. It was almost like being there!

Love-Faith

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

Oh thank you. That's what i wanted was for the reader to feel as though they were really there.
so glad i achieved my goal. Thank you.

Nichole

author comment

I am going to take this away and look at it.
I too loved riding and one day was allowed to ride the Arab Stallion Jalis, he was fiery eyed, chestnut and black mane, sitting on his back was like sitting on pure electricity and when he jumped one was wind, fire and weightlessly flying; so I know the feeling Nichole. sadly I haven't had the opportunity of riding since my school days, my cousin had horses and lived by them wining money enough to keep her first pony giving up school early, the horses, or ponies knew exactly what she wanted and worked with her. Lovely animals.

Ann.

"one with a horse when your astride," You're?
Fist you must please yourself, as you are your own best critic.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Yes it is supposed to say "You're one with a horse when you're astride"
I love riding. I'd rather ride than eat, sleep, or shower LOL.
I recently began riding my uncles gelding Harley. An all black 15 hand quarter horse that is more like a DOG than a horse. Before my uncle got him, he was a 12 year old girls 4H horse. Needless to say he is gentle and well WELL behaved and a well mannered boy. The first time I was on him, after a few minutes of getting the feel for the very first time. I had him at a gallop and wasn't afraid. My uncle was standing watching me with his mouth open in amazement. I love harley. He has a second gelding that is 15 hands high and chestnut colored. that only my uncle and my fiance can touch. It bares it's teeth and stomps at anyone else. I won't go in the pen with him. His name is Cookie. Because he loves cookies LOL.
Well i hope you enjoyed my writes. I enjoyed writing them.
Take care.
Sincerely Nichole

author comment

I do enjoy your writes Nichole. Does a horse digest cookies well? Dogs shouldn't have them and chocolate can even kill them.
I have to ride in your poem instead now, thank goodness for imagination! I can see your horse.

Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Cookie was ONLY given peanut butter cookies. My uncle and I are both aware of the chocolate thing with animals. He's very good and experienced with these animals but i thank you for your concern.
Harley has turned into my baby now and we have grown close together. When I'm upset he feels it and will wrap his head and neck around me in a hug as if to say "hey cheer up i'm here with you" and will rub his head up and down my back. Cookie has tamed down. He was abused before my uncle rescued him. He was badly injured and said to be mean to humans. Jason is the only one he will allow in his pen. He's now grown attached to Jason and shows happiness when Jason comes in the barn and enters the stall with him. He's warmed up a slight bit to me but still bares his teeth every now and then but that's to be expected. Is't it amazing how an animal can be so badly hurt by humans, but still manage to forgive? They still flinch and get scarred but they don't seem to hold a grudge. I wish people could be more like that. This is why i love animals, I feel safe with them. I thank you for reading my poems. Keep it up ;)

author comment
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