Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

With her fingertips

Kneeling before the lake,
she broke a thousand mirrors
with her fingertips
and the light danced
like reflections to and from the sky
and the sky hung its head
like a saddened
it rained for a long, long time.

Editing stage: 


A, this is an exquisite piece of writing

reading the first 3 lines, i immediately
pictured her fingertips breaking the
mirrored surface,
and i saw the reflected shafts of light dancing

terrific, terrific imagery...and with so few words

i find such a deep level of emotion in this;
it feels like she's carrying a great sadness, yet
i don't get a sense of the burden of depression,
rather a great sadness that's tinged with a
certain pained sweetness...

it's so reflective (pun NOT intended)
wonderful melding of nature and emotion

i keep reading this...i love it

just a thought i had...
perhaps have a period after the penultimate line,
and the last line be a floating line?
i suggest that because as i read it, i naturally
paused before i read the last feels to me, that
having the last line stand alone, adds to the impact
of its meaning



This is positively sparkling, beautiful writing. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.