Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

IN A HAZE COLORLESS PALE--second revision

In a Haze Colorless Pale

The sun late afternoon
crossed the darkened room
in a haze colorless pale
dust danced in slow motion
in streams of light though the air
suffocating movements of silence

the sun began to fade
and I felt the lonliness weigh heavy
in the dim of twilight

the noise was gone
and silence spoke its mourning
as day fled into dark
like a shrouded veil
and I began to sink
into madness

Editing stage: 

Comments

I am the dust that dances notionless in beams of lght--the paradox of movement frozen in time,,,felt and seen by memeory[s mind..
No goodnews,my friend

joe

author comment

Thank you, Rosinella, Good to see you again.

joe

author comment

melancholy very well expressed in these couplets..i liked the idea of equating yourself with the dust...perhaps as particles of bygone memories if i red it right...if so the meaning is profound...it is effective to the extent you meant it to be....

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you, Raj, The dust is the moevment of silence, Iam going to add that tothe poem.

Joe

author comment

Joe. lose the *near* in the last line. It's more *effective*c that way. I have some other thoughts.. will be back.

~A

ok

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.