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Of Grief

Grieve not for the loss of me
Also,
do not mourn,
each morn
Just believe,
when I say
't was good

I've lived
and
loved those days
then the wind came
and
did blow me away

Like a candle of sorts
just flickering away

Grieve not for me now
from this moment,
this day
I beseech you,
if you love me
love me,
as ever
the same way

loved

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Completely with you on this.

Thank you Loved, For the recommendation
and this read

yet the vibes waste we won't ,
as you are a dreamer
as much as I'm too
How I wish once again,
you knew
and soon you will
I assure you
Yes we knew...

loved

author comment

that this one touched me. I think that to make it a little smoother,
this is the way I would set this down. Just suggestions.

Leave off the first three lines, they do not add to the idea or structure of this poem.

Grieve not for the loss of me
Also, do not mourn, each morn
Just believe, when I say it was good

I've lived and loved those days
then the wind came
and did blow me away

Like a candle of sorts
just by the way

Grieve not for me now
from this moment, this day
I beseech you, if you love me
love me, the same way
As I said, just suggestions. ~ Gee

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modernised as advised
lets see...
thanks again

loved

author comment

This is a little disturbing. Am I missing something. I'm not exactly firing on all pistons these days. me

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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on grief
I just wanted to share the burden
in a lighter vein....
that's all friend

loved

author comment

I would not have thought the little change in line breaks would produce such an effect. I had no problem with the original, but this is improved. Without being able to tell you how, it made the whole thing more "poetic" somehow. I'll have to study this for a later day.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

if you do I had modernised it a bit...
and the suggestion above
do you feel twill improve it further ???
please do say

This suggestion

Grieve not for the loss of me
Also, do not mourn, each morn
Just believe, when I say it was good

I've lived and loved those days
then the wind came
and did blow me away

Like a candle of sorts
just by the way

Grieve not for me now
from this moment, this day
I beseech you, if you love me
love me, the same way

loved

author comment

A very good write and it can stay as is or join the words into longer lines.
The message will be the same and it was a grand message..
As we are not going anywhere, it is a good imagination write lol.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

upon my shoulders
hand in hand ,
my dear Ian
I feel the wave .....a surge of emotion ....
that flows all over though not in commotion..
as you make out of me
a young Bard ,
paid one as you say ,
but no one pays me,
now any way,,..

and this other version

Grieve not for the loss of me
Also, do not mourn, each morn
Just believe, when I say it was good

I've lived and loved those days
then the wind came
and did blow me away

Like a candle of sorts
just by the way

Grieve not for me now
from this moment, this day
I beseech you, if you love me
love me, the same way

loved

author comment

I shall pay you to write for us in compliments broad.
Therefore ye shall retain the title of "Young Bard"
I have already paid some compliments so let no man
Or maybe woman, try to defrock your true image...
Yours Ian.T--Yenti--Sparrow and Sadie's Group...

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

that alone this bard does follow,
you speak words of delight
many of them are totally hollow…

upon thy shoulders,
high shall I fly
and
reach far beyond the vast blue sky,
I yet don't know why…
but upon others shoulders,
I'd like to place a hand
so that they too, like you do
in this world can stand,
holding each others hand

Albeit the conceit bares some.

loved

author comment

that we reach out to others is good enough.
Take care out there.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

really dooo
we twooooo...

loved

author comment

thanks all

loved

author comment
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