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A Good Boy

who let a toddler paint the sky?

rub his grubby fingers
across the horizon

those fat

vienna sausages dripped in
a kindergarten palette of brightness

what are these

orange clouds
red rivers
blue hills?

a pink breeze?

has the round bellied boy
never seen the world?

with its grey blues sighing
on the green rolls its rivers
languishing in a brown repose

he excites them with
palm
smack
and giggles

smudging the sharp lines
with his pea-cocked knuckles

kneading color like a baker into
the yeast of the sky and letting
rise a rainbow

hurry
and grab him more firmament

I could sit and watch your
sun's work all evening

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Sitting on a boat in Halong Bay.
Editing stage: 

Comments

You are most welcome to Neopoet.

Such delicately handled imagery, such a power of meaning

Is the poet the eternal child?

I wonder about the internal logic of the last 2 lines. If it is the sun's work, it is by nature temporal, and won't last all evening, or did you mean son referring perhaps to a creator's son, the child of the poem?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Thanks for your response Jess. I meant, if you would like, the "creator's sun", which thanks to the beauty of our language can easily be read as the "creator's son". Oh what I would give to be the eternal child! As of now I'll satisfy my desire for child like wonder by living vicariously through my young students' constant amazement.

.

J.A. Fisher

author comment

Thanks for the warm welcome Chrys and Lonnie! I'm very happy the site is back up. It is hard to get good feedback over here in Korea, which is why this site is so valuable to me. I'll certainly check out the workshop.
Cheers!

.

J.A. Fisher

author comment

J A Fisher aka Ladderwords - pen name.

I see now and I like this one also and will come back for a second read. I do that sometimes when I can focus more intently as my mind is on so many things now. I see you say you are in Korea also and an English teacher. Nice to meet you and best of wishes for success here at Neopoet.

Mona

Mona - a second hello to you as well and I look forward to our future discussions over the word.

.

J.A. Fisher

author comment

I enjoyed the theme of this poem, i thought it was well consrtructed, and very emotive.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

i am no seasoned poet but an amateur...but there is a distinct wildness in your write...i mean wild in a good way..like a wild flower...

Welcome to Neopoet...i look forward to read more of your writes..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Lou and Raj, thanks for taking the time to read. I'd like to think of myself as a little wild haha!

.

J.A. Fisher

author comment
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