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THE GARBAGE IN RUNNING RAIN WATER
Some people around us
Seem not to see at all
Beyond the limit of the nose
The effects of their misdoing
Or just being apathetic
To filth and fizz
When rain falls
They rush in to bring
Their garbage bins
Empty the contents
Into running rain water
In the gutter before the house
Polythene bags
Wasted food, empty cans
Broken bottles
Shit and vomit
Swept away
To where there is obstruction
Water and dirt
Nowhere to go
Spilled and spread
All over the road
Cities turned out dirtier
Than before the coming of rain
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-12-27 14:49
Hello,
Water and dirt
Nowhere to go
Spilled and spread
All over the road
Cities turned out to be dirtier
Than before the coming of rain
so true!
always, Cat
*
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t. reflexion
Wed, 2011-12-28 20:26
Thanks
the last two lines do not flow with the rest. May be I should rework them, best wishes.
tr
A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light