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Experimental Poem
There is a rage that dwells within me, white hot and flowing vibrant, living crimson through my burning veins.
I want to tear, to scream, to shout.
I want to get all of this anger--OUT! OUT! OUT!
--No, no, fury has no place within this broken body.
Sadness wells within me, swirling uncontrollably, whirling me down into its soft blue grip.
Gently, gently it overflows and tears begin to spill--down, down, down.
Tumbling over my skin, sliding across my lips.
No, no! Sadness does not belong near me.
I am the sun, I am the stars, I am the sky.
I brighten darkness and have no fear of falling.
I am forever and I am everywhere.
I am a goddess.
No, no...that's not right either.
I am everything.
I am nothing.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
This is simply an experimental poem, because I recently realized that poetry doesn't necessarily have to be rhyming or perfectly structured to still be considered poetry. Nonetheless however, I am not quite sure what it means to have a poem without having rhyme. So I would love any and all thoughts on this quick little experiment of mine. Thank you.
~G.S.
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Sun, 2011-08-28 19:54
Welcome to Neopoet
I am a writer of mostly rhyming poetry but also write in other forms. There are times it seems to me when the restrictions of rhyme prevent the clear conveyance of what a writer intends. I think this poem is a good example of such a poem. If you have any questions about site feel free to ask me or any member and we will be glad to assist...........scribbler
raj
Mon, 2011-08-29 15:18
Gentle Storm
welcome to Neopoet...a workshop to post your poetry and receive feed backs / comments / critique from fellow members...you will need to take the rough with the smooth and not feel offended...after all this is a workshop and i am sure you will have a wonderful time here...
Scribbler & Xena have already commented on your poem and query...
poetry being a medium to express your thoughts/feelings/emotions/ideas which is by and large a spontaneous process i believe there is no restriction per se which would be counter productive...
the various prevalent forms of which you will continue to learn are useful guidelines and styles / forms which have evolved over a period and structured by accomplished poets...it is up to a person to use any or many of those forms as a means of improving / honing one's skills...
i liked the way you have expressed your mood and emotions which are quite palpable...
look forward to more from you...
Cheers!..
raj (sublime_ocean)
weirdelf
Tue, 2011-08-30 08:10
Rosis's feedback was excellent
Just a few line breaks would improve it immesuably.
But don't do it.
The poem works just as it is,
I really like experimental verse.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry