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ESCAPISM
There's too much ugliness by far
which we must face 'most every day
hatred, famine, senseless war,
and the evil people do and say
Bills past due sales people, rude
lay-offs and insecurity
politicians lying and being crude
loss of innocence and purity
Is it a wonder I escape this world
whenever I take pen in hand?
And write of beauty, leaves unfurled
how the sunset looks so grand?
So don't you sit and hold your breath
awaiting harsh type writes from me.
Instead of poems of riot and death
I'll tell of how the world Could be.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
arshiyafairy
Sun, 2011-08-07 09:41
Lovely
This is a marvelous poem with your great thoughts....I truly loved it....
scribbler
Sun, 2011-08-07 09:44
hello
I have been wondering where you were lol. Thank you for visiting and leaving such kind comment..........stan
author commentraj
Sun, 2011-08-07 10:09
Hi Stan
your poem certainly exposes the worldly elements around us which affect our lives giving a feeling of helplessness and the need to get rid of the frustration through the medium of poetry and appreciating things of beauty in nature ....
i am sure you will be tweaking up this poem later...but i thought i would like to draw your attention to the last of the first stanza...
There's too much ugliness by far
which we must face 'most every day
hatred, famine, death and war;
the evil people do and say
"famine and death" are not "evils people do and say" ..therefore you will need to come up with some other alternative to express the same meaning...
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Sun, 2011-08-07 14:44
hi raj
been thinking of a mere change in punctuation to correct this. Thanks for the heads up........stan
author commentmagics02
Sun, 2011-08-07 11:00
Spot on
TELLING IT LIKE IT IS IN POETRY. GOOD JOB THERE CHARLIE BROWN.
:)
scribbler
Sun, 2011-08-07 14:46
hi
Just an explanation of why I prefer beauty in my writing as opposed to the ugliness we can find anywhere........stan
author commentRoscoe Lane
Sun, 2011-08-07 15:51
Stan,
Stan, you said it and you write it in your own magical way. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
scribbler
Sun, 2011-08-07 17:39
Hi Roscoe
Thenk you. I expect there are a few who would like my stuff to "magically" disappear lol......stan
author commentlou
Mon, 2011-08-08 04:23
Stan
A well written poem, it's theme is one we can all identify with. I suppose we all deal with the world and its problems in our own way.
Hope you celebration went well.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
scribbler
Mon, 2011-08-08 08:49
Hi lou
I guess when we have trouble finding something to write about we can always write about writing lol. And few days off were very relaxing...........stan
author commentscribbler
Mon, 2011-08-08 16:34
Hi Rose
Hmm... how the world could be might need a poem of its own don't you think?. Also wanted to emphasize Could without it being taken for shouting. But please don't think I'm blowing you off lol. Thanks for coming by with ideas.........stan
author comment