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Eliese (eddy styx) mild
Eliese
in the bright noonday sun
her hair was the color
of creamy golden caramel
tilting her head to peer up at me
long lashes lacing each other
on her peach blushing cheek
just dusting her captivating skin
she looked good enough to eat
(so I bit her...)
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
For those who don't know, eddy styx is my male, twisted alter ego.
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
Comments
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-07-29 20:37
[chuckles out loud!]
this is precisely what I think when I read poems comparing the beloved to edibles!
Good write!
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Candlewitch
Mon, 2011-08-01 10:50
Thanks, Jess!
I'm glad you enjoyed it and got a chuckle out of it :)
something light for eddy styx...a lite snack!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentlou
Fri, 2011-07-29 23:19
Cat
How perfectly dark and disturbing,
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Mon, 2011-08-01 10:52
Thanks, Lou!
and you know how I love to desturb people!
always, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2011-08-01 10:54
Thanks Yenti,
Sorry about the cracks in the mud pack! LOL!
always, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2011-08-01 10:57
Rosi!!!
So great to see you!!! How are you dear girl? I'm so very glad you are back! You are right on course with this one!
always, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentraj
Sun, 2011-07-31 15:59
Dearest Cat...
the end lines project the fore lines ...it brings out the over powering natural human instinct to bite or taste whatever one likes....and the title "Eilese" by itself is so very delicate and savory...it lifts the poem even further..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Candlewitch
Mon, 2011-08-01 11:05
Dear Raj,
Thank you so much for reading and penetrating deep into the poem.
always, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentthemoonman
Mon, 2011-08-01 16:45
Hi Cat ...
Great little poem here, sweet, with a side of evil,
how could I not love it!
Richard
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-08-02 10:29
LOL!
Thanks, Richard!Glad you enjoyed yourself. Nice to see you.
always, eddy (& Cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2011-08-02 10:32
Dear Chrys,
A little something different, here ;)
always, eddy (& Cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
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