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DRAINAGE
The tide flows in from the sea
Bringing in great things from abroad
Big merchant ships berthing at ports
We dredged our water ways
Digging deep muddy beds and swamps
Our produce ebbed with a hiss to the sea
Our kids in pursuit of greener pastures
Craze for visas, a wave of brain drain
Boats and canoes in shallow waters
Like leaves dropped in running rain water
Empty the drift into the Atlantic
And are buried with the flood
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Timbo
Sat, 2011-12-10 06:53
good one! Tim
good one!
Tim
t. reflexion
Tue, 2011-12-13 20:35
Thank you…
and best wishes
tr
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