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dis-assemblage

i am dis-assembling my life,
it makes perfect sense.
for ten years i’ve known it’s time to die

and so,
each day
i remove a little contact,
one less phone call,
no invitations,
more brusque replies,
even more brutality and abuse,
to those I love,
to let go.

then i will have to sort
all the stuff for the dump,
all the stuff for charity
all the books to be chosen from
by my friends,
which will be my wake.

then just hang around
till i can get a gram of heroin,
without getting ripped off
again.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This is not about suicide, but perhaps is about behaviour I can't otherwise explain.
Editing stage: 

Comments

You wrote POETRY. Jess, this is beyond what I expected. BRAVO , oh yes!!!!!

thank you.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

No. YOU did it. The poem is you. Strong sentiments without maudlin sentimentality..Direct and to the point- emotion without emotionalism.This is awesome.Perfect rythm and cadence between content and form..

Joe

Joe
.
.
.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

The despair within comes through clearly. I wouldn't feel right without leaving 2 suggestions though.
l-10 might consider changing pack to seperate for accuracy if doing so doesn't change your intent
structurally , if you left a blank line before last line, I think it would add impact
just a few ideas to smoke over.........stan

but your transmission of ideas to poem.... well I don't understand it.

Which line in my poem is l-10 ?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Too lazy to capitalize I guess L-10= line 10

but I like the sound and finality of the word pack.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

i really connected to this piece for personal reasons. very moving and well written.
thx elf.

how can I say "thanks, fool"?
Thanks TF

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

You say "thanks fool" and too many of us will say "you're welcome".
I could have read this poem anywhere and known it was yours. Of course I don't like the form, but the content is so freaking original I will have to swipe it.
"All we're doing is trying to find something to do while we're waiting around to die." (Snow)
That little statement I've used for years would have given me a poem if I had thought to use it. Yours will have to go in my archives. Several suggestions above. Since this is older now and now one will likely notice, I say ignore them all. The thing is awesome as is.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Sure, Wesley, but how could I have said this any other way?

If I made it a sonnet, or some other form, the form precedes the meaning.

It may seem a contradiction to many that I, a committed free-form writer, run all the workshops on form.

It is because I believe I can only write the purity of verse I do by having previously learned form.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I see deliberate "form" in everything you write. Every bit as much as mine. The difference might only be that it is a tad more difficult to find a handy, pre cut name to go with the form.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

one day you might catch up [grins very cheekily]

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

... you'll no longer be pulling me along.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I like the word "pack" too! It seems to finalize the act. " Separate" seems too clinical. The content did not strike me as a suicide note. It hit me as a practical assessment of ones life up to this point. These lines struck a deeper cord:

then just hang around
till i can get a gram of heroin,
without getting ripped off
again.

I have no suggestions, just appreciation for the work.

always, Cat (& eddy)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I liked this one, it reminded me of the things I am doing each day as I grow older.
Sorting out giving away tidying up my affairs (Would have preferred affairs of the heart not paperwork)
The theme was well written I wonder if we all start doing this as the Winter creeps up on us, Yours, for a while yet, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

work at any age

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

obviously i didn't hit the save button lol

this made me laugh jess
sorry if you were venting or something
but that last line lol

powerful write, and so your style - i would've known it as yours anywhere
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

my writing has developed from so many different forms I didn't know I had a style,
thanks

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment
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