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DEMONIC ANGEL

Night is your day
Stranded humans, your prey
Fascinating beauty
Seeming innocent display
Coded mode is your way

Lies fed unto hope
On tap in range and scope
Make-believe in nothing true
Enforced by petulant stubbornness
Leading nowhere to nothingness

A lion’s teeth on the nape to make it still
Indifference toughened stiff like steal
Victim drained of blood to lifelessness
Soul spirals into air, this earth my brother
Childless, O! Hear the cry of a mother

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I went in and out and some of the sentences (partially because I didn't understand the subject well enough) don't have a clear separation.
It's back to that punctuation thing again.
I'm going to give this a few more tries and attempt to find which direction to look at it from.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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The title could be misleading or the message is not clear. It deals with an attraction to something deadly, like a man or woman who is attractive beautiful and displays seeming innocence, while he/she is the opposite. The pretense covers the intent to destroy, kill and wreck the institution. Thus robbing those who actually love the subject the grace.

The comparison to vampire and lion devouring it victims may not be very clear. I don't know if this makes any sense.

Thank you and best wishes

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

Is it allegorical?
Although I do like the building structure, as if the form reflects the transition from primal nature to higher ideas.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

by a man who was wiped out by a deceitful woman. He said, 'Only God knows how many men you have destroyed before me and how many more will be destroyed' This woman had deceived the man in almost everything till their separation. The full story is rather long one and can go for an epic, but I could only come out with the piece above. I am not sure I did justice to the story. It can go for allegory and the title may not be appropriate. Thank you and best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

Good phrase. The structure is sound here. I just missed the poem. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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